JuZ aNOtHa tEeN gEr

spring awakening

2012-02-24T08:40:00.002-08:00

http://pangdemonium.com/production/spring-awakening
---
I rarely publicize so when I do clearly its some unbelievably AWESOMEEE SHIT
So just went to watch Spring Awakening by Pangdemonium.
Details are at http://pangdemonium.com/production/spring-awakening
Its seriously .. the cast was undeniably committed. I know nuts bout acting but it was
sooooooo convincing. I sincerely believe that the actors were passionate about their craft
and eager to show it.
Also, its an adaptation although there some tinny tiny parts that I may have tweakk [cheeiwah, who am I . haha] I'd still say that the play was well-balanced.
To the point that attention was well spread out amongst the characters and there was sufficient development for them. to me, it felt like the director knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it like the funeral scene. the synchronization amongst the actors were also GODLY. REALLY, you dont often get such awesome standard for a local production. ohkay, maybe you do. Cuz i'd think that the theater scene in SG is somewhat of a struggle cuz some bloody muggles are oblivious to beauty. Like I have absolute faith in SG stage actors but like the theme of SPRING AWAKENING was sooooo yummy, omg. seriously. I can keep gushing forever.
Truly, the crux of the play was the subject matter and as I have always like certain things, it was scandalous and controversial enough to turn me on. hahah. yes.
I know I'm not explicitly saying WHY its so awesome but its only because my internet is laggy #.# and cuz my family switched on the tv so i lost my mood. lol. but STILL OMG
WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO WATCH IT AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNN SO THAT I CAN MMMMMMMMMMMMMILLLK ALL THE DETAILS.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAM

ps: love for the arts.

when life is not a canvas you can paint on

2012-02-21T18:41:00.002-08:00

hmm, well, I'm not much of a pessimist. but, ohkay I disagree that
life is not a canvas you can paint on but lyk right now it feels more
lyk one of those national day billboard things in school where the
in a bid to build solidarity the councilors ask you to stick post-its
on a humungous board.
Its a touch&go [lyk the msian gantry, hahah,ohkay ,just saying] thing
but ppl nonetheless leave an imprint on you.
& maybe I'm hypersensitive or wtv, but ..
I've been feeling constantly lyk a pin ball.
Before every next step I could stay in my comfort zone, and then
someone[i.e. sg edu] yanks the control and I'm forced to zoom out
and bounce back and forth and hope I don sink into the depths of hell
I guess I'm just looking for the childlike friendship,
back when no questions were ask and it was just matter of whether we liked the
same colour or candy
and that determined if we could be friends .
I know I lead a very fortunate life but sometimes I cant help but feel I have so
little [partly because I'm becoming undeniably materialistic] that I am inherently
starved and crave for friendship. Like back when we didn't care and played in the rain

& like how thousands of girls can't find their prince charming,
I cant find my 7 dwarfs. ): [that being said, I dont literally mean 7 little men -.- wld be creepy as hell]
---
But I guess its more of a phase more than anything because
like the raspberry brownie c gave me made me feeeeeel so uber loved. hahah, yep it was
given on Valentine's and was in the shape of a heart.
So, I guess constantly bouncing around isnt so bad.
At least I meet new people all the time, and even if I can never go back to my comfort zone
independence always made me stronger(:

WILDchildDREAMER
SAM

ps: Although, I would admit that I have the somewhat compulsive need to cling to the good times or search for opportunities. Like a magpie searching for gold. [except that I cant fly.]

wefoundloveinahopelessplace

2012-01-18T09:21:00.000-08:00

certainly have always felt like it.
it was something underestimated, struck off
at moments we were lost
direction had no meaning
but we held hands
and walked on bravely.
--------
having a sudden bout of sadness
i'm only vaguely aware of the reason why

wcd
sam

christmas eve

2011-12-23T21:42:00.001-08:00

ohkay, so got our results and christmas is coming.
before we know it, its a new year.
a promise of a new beginning. Seeds of hope planted in everyone's hearts
its true that i did average and am not bummed out about it
but its.. made me a wary mind.
was planning my mods earlier. and well, it may not fulfill you entirely
but good grades do make things a lot easier
so with gritted teeth, i surge on to 2012.
with dance and everything in between although my grades have slipped
i wouldnt say i've lost track of things. cuz, afterall, the test never stops and really
no one cares if you get awesome grades when you're 50.
sure it makes life easier but thr're other goals to reach out to.
Be it your own interpretation of God, your talents, your family.
So, as always, life is a balancing act (:

WILDchildDreamer
Sam

2011-11-30T01:46:00.000-08:00

Okay so im lyk super hungry right nw. My tummy's makin small growlin sounds only i cn hear..(i think).
Goin to club tonight. YAYYYYYYYY:D perfect timin too(: managed to go hme after the paper ytd n spend time with mum
Altho she had to work, well at least we got to talk n stuff.
Itsnth official but its nice(: me mums got approval frm tkk's mum. Hahha
well nt lyk she asked but. Kay lets begin frm the start(:
Tkk's mum was gettin senile so they brought her over to sg
to see the doc
and his fam's big. Lyk 5. . Or 6 sibling big. So yea fam drama
and hia mum was gettin worse(im.sorry but the sg accent inredeemable-i dnt mind singlish, i meant the other variety)
so aywy, yea and my mum being superwoman of cuz took part in takin care
and for those days she was dazed. I meant the grandma(
Suddenly after the doc's visit and she popped the med her mind was clear as the crystal blue sky
She told me mums and tkk to get engaged. Huahuahuas.
So yea its always nice to get approvals(:
n it just made me feel blessed(: lyk life's good. Lol.

----
Yea a reason why this blog is anonymous is cuz i share my life(:
and ive tot of closin cuz idk what backlashes will cme. Esp.since im gonna be a tcher.
But aywy for nw(: its my nook for happy moments and cranny for sad moments(:

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps b just got aacceptance to aussie med. OMG EXCITED TTMAAAAAAXXXXX. Hahah
yea im super happy for her. At the same time.its bittersweet. Cuz i was a coward. I didnt dare to take the leap.
But ahwell(: life's still goood (:

vignettes from the train

2011-11-27T21:55:00.001-08:00

took the train to hall ytd

reluctantly.

well, one more paper left and i wɪl kɑŋkər EL1101E !

its nt that tough, just complex. hahah

aiyah,not goin to rant bout that

----

anyways yep(: so i took the train

and i sauntered in kay, not like some aunty runnn in.

opposite me was this dad with his kids

he had thick straight brows, the sort if he didnt smile he'd look a mean financial consultant out to cheat you.

but as he played with his kids, there was a softness

he looked young, no white hair, skinny, but well-built

He had a chubby soon in the stroller, round as an orange

His daughter sat next to him, looking out of the window.

the baby alternated between crying and laughing and the dad made baby noises and stuff

[of cuz i tot of q, whether he'd as good with kids if we were to marry]

And that tenderness was evidently something i felt from a similar figure

nonetheless, i dont feel short-changed

what moved me, was the indian next to them

i dont want to stereotype but i would assume he was a construction worker

at first there was another beside him, looking in the opposite direction

i thought they were friends, but then he alighted before the other

The indian man, well, he was a little chubby, buck tooth , wearing a red stripe polo shirt and brown what looked like leather shoes.

And he looked at the chubby baby with what seemed like longing. Half amused, half jealous. He just kept looking and everytime the baby laughed, he smiled. An awkward sideways smile. His bucktooth always protruding. The other guy next to him remained oblivious till he alighted.

When the babies and dad left, the Indian had the slightest frown, and his mouth drooped a little.

As the train rumbled and trudged on, he covered his eyes with his face and cleaned his eyes as if wiping away tears.

There may have been, I wasnt wearing my specs, so couldnt really see

But i thought i saw anguish, a quiet yearning

So i started thinking.. maybe he was craving for love, after all, he did stick out. or maybe he missed what he had left behind.

Either ways, the juxtaposition was stark.

some people call it inequality, a race line, migration, coincidence, common emotions

whatever it was the train felt like a space, a container of emotions, relationships, stories. But its sterile environment reflects society's coldness, an empty container where traces are wiped clean and nobody bothers. People judge or isolate themselves. It is a place that offers proximity but rarely reciprocity.

WCD

SAM

ps: LAST PAPER ! JIAYOU SAM !

j&d

2011-11-23T05:40:00.000-08:00

i still find the new djs. lame ttm, [who am i to say, right? ...still !]
wish shan and rozz were still doin the night show:/
aywy, had southeast asian today.
well, it wasnt like murder but i definitely cld have prepared better?
[just lyk hw i sld be memorizing nm now but am instead. here. heh illegal break]
hahah, if my neighbour can hear all my sneezes hope it annoys the SHIT out of him.
[unfortunately i live under a very noisy gnome who will from time to time laugh manically to himself, get his friends to join, and drag the chair around. basket. ]
yesyes, i am very cranky and petty and short tempered [~~ishalltrytochange~~]
& yesyes i have many monologues with myself, which are impossible and slightly pathetic to post on fb.
----------
so anyways, OH YAH i flattened a lizard in my room today.
wanted to take pics but wasnt in the state of mind to.
so i just stick to the oral tradition (:
& yes i am mighty proud of myself for being SO BRAVE.
BRAVE KAY, CONSIDERING THAT Q WASN'T HERE AND I COULDN'T WHINE TO HIM
(: < smug face
----------
shit lah, think im getting flu again. UUURRRRGHHHH

WCD
SAM

ps: yes my name is sam and i rock.

yesyes im bck

2011-11-22T06:10:00.000-08:00

was just looking thru the tag board
and im always intrigued. well. hahah
it WOULD be nice if an actual person was reading my blog
so sometimes i'll check out the links 'ppl' leave
and i get utter rubbish.
which still, amuses me. heh
----
so well, if you're legit. well, if you are, i doubt you'd actually leave a tag come to think of it.
but ANYHOOS. do, ya(: [yes, to feed my tiny self-esteem and well, also because i really appreciating if anyone takes the time to read [altho i did say i like my privacy here- again, im a teenage girl, contradictions are my prerogative. heh] (:]

WCD
SAM

ps: ohkayohkay! im goin !

kcuf

2011-11-22T05:50:00.000-08:00

i havent said fuck in ages.
hahah, i love that irony.
anyways, yea wells. im soooo screwwwwed -.-
i FEEEL screwed.
i thought i wouldnt been
actually i think ive been complacent because im afraid of having to
dump all the bloody info into my used-to-be-saturated-but-is-in-fact-,now-empty brain
because over the ten month holiday i have become
a lazy bum
its actually not fair, because at least when you are COERCED into goin for ns
that reluctance conveniently masks your actual happiness at having to defer using your intelligence for the next 24months
yea, and unluckily for the girls we're in a weird sort of limbo.
then again, it could prolly just be being a teenager [YES IM 19 AND IM STILL A HOT BLOODED YOUTH] and having the natural allergy of studying. [CHINAPOREAN, OR NOT]
--
my grandpa's actually from china, i think ah ma too. she was adopted.
mum from m'sia
so sometimes the irony of being ... nationalist [?] slaps me in the face.
in spite/despite me being born here.
sometimes..well.. TO BE HONEST
there're soooooo many complaints bout this tiong or that ah nei or the pinoy next door
.... would you really want to be surrounded bout singaporeans? SERIOUSLY?
ang mohs are no saints [esp not after i have read sea colonialism history thingy. haas.]
--
ohkay, so random rambling.
clearly showwws my burgeoning anxiety.
AN-XIE-TY as in SHIT-IM-SO-SCREWWWED
im seriously in panic mode.
wakakaks, yea i know, lousy ttm....i was literally shaking before film art last sat.
and the fact i had no friend/buddy/awkward friend/i-don-really-like-you-but-i-don-have-a-choice type of friend made me feel kinda sad ):
i have no idea where i've lost my childlike charm .
wakakaks, maybe i'll regain it next year? i dont know
---
the year's coming to a close, and this year. well. has been good for my darlin q and me(:
but in terms of being self-reflexive.... im laying in a limbo [arms akimboo. ahhahah. -.- shuddup]
--
im resting my elbow on my notes.
oh, i forgot the point of this entry. hahahas
ohkay well, i would have posted on fb, except that i think.. well i don really tink its necessary for me to post to the world my AN-XIE-TIES not that anyone really cares. hahah ohkay fine, im suree there ARE ppl who do, but i also know that its not likely that they'll bother to reply on fb. and since what im really seeking is attention and validation i ... rather not make an ass of myself on fb and seem needy and instead blog.(: [thus, why twitter doesnt/wldnt really work for me because i like to be melodramatic and have a bloody long rant, and well, my blog is my haven for some privacy (:]
---
ive also been doing some sinful fb stalking. well. not really. i just pay extra attention to certain fb newfeed postings in spite of myself, which I KNOW IS HORRIBLE . i dont know what im doing, i feel silly like a school girl. which coincidentally... well im in college [WOOHOO !] but still.
--
im really not the relationship expert i pretend to be sometimes (: HEH

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: yesyes, very shameless. [SHUDDAP] * back to SEA*

lonely

2011-11-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

q's flyin off to brunei in bout 3 hrs.
he prolly checked in alr
gonna miss him much <3
i feel lyk i look to him for almost everything.
If i were a tooth with cavity, he's my filler (:
hahah, gross but still the metaphor stands
--
what the shit, new madonna song -.-
its as bad as the new girls generation one.
YUUUUCK.
--
so aywy yea, spendin a monday night in hall. w/o kelly or bernice
so feeeelin bit lonely. hahah.
'm thinking of goin utown tmr to mug.
in spite of my love hate r/n with that darn place.
its soooo sereneee and greeeeen and just niceeeee~
im thinkin of hoppin over in the morn and spending the day thr
--
just killed my fourth rain fly
irritattingggggg !
--
so aywy, im actually feeling a sudden bout of emo-ness
but i havent got any muse to write.
i think i did in the morn, but i was rollin around the bed
shifting in and out of consciousness
so no hopes of rememberin ,heh
--
living in a limbo
seduced by sight and sounds
if only i had my music and my muse.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: perhaps i may never kick the childish habit of referring myself as wcd (:

Finals

2011-11-20T23:45:00.000-08:00

,, i think i just realize that the sem is OVERRRRR:DDD
well, finals first, then there wont be work anymore. BUT STILL
WHOO !
ohkay, yea, true, im celebrating way to early.
was home over the weekend, as usual im either asleep or watchin tv or eating at hme
nvr doin work.
home is for the heart to rest. [yep, just made that up]
reached hall bout an hr ago.. or less. nt studyin yet. either. heh. alaaaa
i'll stay up and study kay . i promise [talkin to my conscience]
was on the bus, and met candy, i totally forgot her name till the convo was over. heh
but shes such a nice person, idk why i used judged her :/ well.
---
[totally forgot bout this and went to nap. hehh]
----
aywy, so was watchin the telly and ny ink came up.
and seriously , im super intrigued by tattoos.
have couple of friends who have em, but its like.. hmmmm...
feeeeeeel like getting one.. asked q bout it, he doesnt really seem to mind
but when he told me he wanted one too, i was lyk 'NOOOOOOOO'
heh, unfair, yea i know. but. hmm well.
shall seeeeee ~
i almost feel peer pressure to learn to drive and get braces. hahah
i dont really mind my teeth
but i honestly wonder what ppl think when they see my teeth.
does it really matter that its croooked ?
mm~
---
waiting for godot
this play im doin for lit..
as always, lit fills me immense trepidation
like.. IMMMENSEEEE IMMENSE
like HUGGGGGGEEE. like. URRRRGHHHH
likewise, i have a love-hate relationship with lit.
----

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: have i grown at all this year? not rhetorical.

holidaysagain

2011-09-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

its 2.22am now
the time on the blog's been warp since ever, lol,
nvr bothered to fix it
Anyhoos ~
been muggin with bao in hall
went butter fac ytd, it was SOOO cramp
but still(: feels like growing up
------------
i cant help but feel like im letting uni life overwhelm me
and im not living life to the fullest.
i keep procrastinating and am in denial of the need to study
havent really got the motivation either
------------
was looking at syl's photos and nut's goin paris
am so lookin forward to japan (:
hopefully it'll be life changing, just in itself it kind of is i suppose
------------
i feel so trapped in sg, like ive been apprehended by fate.
no way out.
i thought coming to uni, it'd be a way out
but all it feels like is entrapment.

WCD
SAM

anonymous

2011-09-12T09:36:00.002-07:00

my body is not functioning again.
it made me feel as if i just sunk back to the bottom of a well.
i need to fight whatever's going on and climb back up again.
----------
today was monday, which means ... independent day !
As the weeks pass, i feel a small, albeit growing sense of empowerment
in being self sufficient
but,well, me being me, i missed q and my family.
called mum, and q called me and those were the small moments of happiness today (:
-----------
thrs lit test tmr,
i wldnt say ive studied the hardest i can
but i kind of think.. if i over prep, well, i tot bout how abung and q
used to just 'wing it' and they got thru, sometimes better than me
so, well, goin to try to 'wing it' . lol
although to be perfectly honest, i did kind of do gradual preparation so , .. well. yea. heh
----------
ohkay so i deleted my photo and bio on the blog cuz i felt like being anonymous.
well, nt completely, cuz my links are still thr
was thinkin of deleting em, shall see hw .
well, basically im feelin pretty bummed out cuz of how my body dint win the fight
maybe its just round1 (:
i will win the final battle.

WCD
SAM

PS: lost my bloody transponder, was soooo pissed off, lucky q was thr to rub my back and
comfort me, or it'd have been so much worst. lol . i love him so dearly.
hes my comfort,security,one-of-a-kind

old blog description of myself

2011-09-12T09:36:00.001-07:00

me as a person. hmmm
i am moody/angsty/short-tempered/whiny/have bad handwriting [or so everyone claims]/loves readin/loves literature[chain-effect]/plays touchRUG/semi-hates facials/don't understand why some ppl behave the way the do/
used to have boyfriend [lost him, but still misses him]/growing up/not all that shy/just awkward with new people/loves to laugh/would kill for more clothes/feels for the world/a listener/likes new things- new places, new
clothes, new people, new experience/loves the word 'love'/has short hair and a tail/got spunk/am quite the perfectionist/153cm/used to be called 'ah-fat'/have weird body proportions/ have the most wonderful friends/
love-hate my family/thinks coach's is secretly half a woman inside cuz of his pms-ing syndrome/needs braces -really cuz my teeth's outofplace/ planning to go into teaching or maybe radio or maybe events planning/
loves kids - still wanna have 4/wish i had a more obvious secret talent, so that i could use it/would raaaave in attn. wakakkas, im not denying/would love to live by the beach someday/wish i was taller/ loves plants
and animals - birds are my new friends:D/think its ridiculous how people can be soooo defeated when you haven't even try/HATES INSECTS/ cant spell/keeps friends/would paint my room if i could/ needs to find her self-motivation
back/hasn't regretted till 28jan/likes to leave subtle hints/easy-going/hmm, can be quite cliched sometimes/cld live life more/wants to have bythebeach wedding- so everyone doesnt have to wear sole-killin shoes(:/ thinks too
much inside of her head/writes poems -not for quite a time tho/can be quite cowardly sometimes/ loveeeees movies/still has those ooold rectangular tape things/sentimental -hoards lotsa stuff,heh/doesn't get k-pop/think fair
guys are just gay/can be wrongly dismissive/klutz/hopeful/watches too much tv/curious/just me c:

burgeoning void

2011-09-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

Donno whats up with me this week..
Bought coloured lens. Tot of tryin sth new.
But deep inside i was seekin affirmation
idk whats up with my utter lack of self comfort.

Its annoyin..
Am supewr restless right nw.
Cant slp
cant mug.

Rm super stuffy..

Q at field camp.again. Miss him to bits..

Wcd
sam

muggin

2011-08-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

i realize that i have not much motivation to study
i think its cuz i havent taken a test so ive somewhat forgotten what its like to fail
and thus... yea
which is SUPERBAAAD. i need to dive deep down and retrieve my inner geek
like my sec1 self ! everyday mug and do hw ! guai ttm :D and it paid off.
tsk.tskk.
---------------
missmymummy
missmyq
sigh*
---------------
to be honest, i feel somewhat inferior academically
like thr is a wealth of knowledge in this physical environment im in , but ive got
nth to offer back in return.
and im such a typical singaporean student, i knw i diss ppl and stuff,guess what
imma hypocrite .
HEHHH.
============
OHYAAAAHHH
went for eusoff dance auditions just nw
totally messed up the hip hop part. so sad ): booo
but ahwell, i had fun, so no regrets !
it goes to show that im an utter failure when im nt in the right mental state
ahwell (:
what doesnt kill u makes u stronger !
-----------------
i realize i have nice emo posts when im feelin super shitty
hmmmmmmmmms.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

p.s: tummyache:/

in my dingy room

2011-08-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

ohkay, so im in my dingy room :D
mmms, well its not as luo puo as i make it to be :DDD
but the fan is like right under the light, so when it spins it like 'cuts' the light
AND IT DRRRRIIIVEEESS MMMMEEE CRAAZYYY
---------------
today was pretty exciting (:
to the lame me, it was. heh
went for track tryouts with c and contemp dance with f
it wasnt like SUPER DUPER awesome
but it still feels supernice to know that you have friends to go stuffs with (:
and for that i appreciate my new friends very much.
i miss my old friends very much, but
i guess there're just phases in life.
and .. i suppose thats kinda why u sld treasure every moment, cuz
every moment of joy or tears, its prolly shared with someone meaningful (:
hmmm, that sounded pretty lame and cheesey even to me. haas ~
----------------
am thinkin of changing the blog url,
its been angel4 forever
i still remember the reason very vividly.
was so juvenile back then..
wakakaks.
*sigh*
---------------

in this void
i search for answers

in this space
though im blind
i hold expectations

Carry me forward
Pass me by

I wish for a hurricane,
for a whirlwind in my life
-----------------------

i feel stuffed -.-
just had dinner, forgot to bring my wallet
so f had to wait thr while i ran to grab. hehh

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: the ramblings of a grumpy kid
pps: am i really back to square one ?

tsk

2011-08-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

fcuk. just updated my blog, sth wrong, lost the entry.
tskskkkkkkk

wcd
sam

hate it when this happens

school

2011-08-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

OOOH YAYYYY :DDD FOUND IT AFTERALL

ohkay, so im going through the cycle.

both physically and mentally. wakakkas

well, physically nt too sure but ive sure been pms-y these few days. heh

---------

anyways, ive discovered the awesomeness of alcohol [aliteration ! goin to start my lovehate r/n with lit again.]

the hangover sucks. but oh my god

when the right amount flows through ur veins and into ur brains.

the adrenaline rush, and powerful feelin of being able to do ANYTHINGGGG.

[disclaimer: im a good girl kay, if nt i wldnt be discoverin alcohol at the ripe old age of 19]

well, i don recommend gettin wasted, pukin is unbelievably gross. G.R.O.S.S

[omg, selinagomez playin in the bg... BANG BANG BANG ! this time i winn ~]

but, well, i rmb being high and feelin oh-so-powerful

but thrs the irony isnt it ?

when i feel most powerful, im in fact most vulnerable.

i was thinkin that i'd say yes to almost anything, if i had drank any mre, the word almost wldnt be thr.

so sam, beware

----------------------

ohkay nxt, ive been a bitch these couple of days

Ohkay no, in my defence, ive been bitchin~

i am not thrfore, a bitch

because i do not have four legs, [for some reason, the word association to me is a black dog. aww why not a cute terrier. tskk. im a negative person. ] ANYHOOS, yea, wakakas, nah im nt meaaaan. i shall watch my mouth, cuz u nvr knw what words will travel where .

i don want to be the person who does inadvertent advertising for a person's bad rep, cuz afterall friends love each other for better and for worse. and i suppose its nt her fault if i myself did nt voice it out, regardless of the childishness of the situation.

=============

hall life

i dn think its all bad

but its certainly givin me a taste of being an adult.

like its nt all i think it is.

im still evaluating, so, i don think its a big enough deal. shall post when im in my dingy room with the warm light that drives me crazy cuz it fan keeps cutting it.

]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

q's been at field camp for about 4 days nw.. i miss him like crazy.

im amazed im still with this boy

wakakaks, & in spite of what time has done; worn off the veneer of idealistic teenage love, i still love him in everyway possible.

Everyday i think and breathe and feel grateful at hw i have finally reached what

wld be the temporary final stage of education, the university.

WILDchildDREAMER

SAMantha

ps:

lost my ic

2011-07-23T17:02:00.000-07:00

The juxtaposition of what happened the past couple of days awes me
its so happenin in a way i thought being 19 i cld appreciate
but i guess not.
I choose to keep my composure
i choose not to be distressed, nonetheless mum keeps pushin me over the edge.

Went for nus registration. Was pretty fun, guess i was in the mood (:
So cld go with the flow and was genuinely happy and all.
Plus it was kind of cute to see bao and dm become friends. Wakakaks
even tho the bondin mostly happened as they shuaned me -.-

Then it was taw's bday. Which altho i wld say had an unpromising start(almost dint go,heh)had
an awesome end.
Got drunk for the first time. Mind, the word is drunk, not wasted. I dint puke or go all crazy. Wakakaks
i dont have a clear picture but im sonewhat aware of what happened and all.
That feeling, momentary bliss.. Its no wonder ppl get intoxicated all the time. Wakakas
it was like i was the happiest being on earth, i cld have be an amoeba for all i cared
altho, i lyked hw i was more at ease, while it made me mre vulnerable ans secure in a wierd way.
I said my insecurties, to my memory in a drunkard earnest manner. Not needy. Earnest. Wakakas

then suddenly the news came.
It almost feels unfair.
I had that one sudden moment of panic, then a guilty sense of relief washed over my constricted chest

but aywy, it happened pretty quickly
Rushed home
had hangover. Which was omg so horrible. I almost cldnt deal with it. Took me like 6hrs to recover, after havin bout 2hrs of fun -.-
then was whisked down to the funeral
whr it gave me the false sense of family that i always got when i met the rest

overnighting was pretty scary.
But i dint say i was afraid, lol, cux didi and mum were alr so frightened.

Otw way back had a foreboding feeling at the pit of my stomach.
Lost my ic. And yadayada
Was really unfair and mean and sacarstic to mum.

That was the first time i realized hw sour mum becomes, even tho it isnt thr first time.
I kept quiet as much as i cld.

Feelin bit light headed nw.

So aywy checked out everything.
Its goin to be a huge hassle and thr'll be a price to pay. Literally.
But. At least its not irreversible.

Haa. I still cracked after mum kept harpin on the 100bucks penalty.
Wtv it is, the horrible moment's gone and passed.
I shall soon restore that equilibrium. I hope.

Wildchildreamer
samantha

ps im vulgar, and have an accent when im drunk. Wakakaks, i actually think its pretty funny.

contemplatin friendship

2011-07-01T09:26:00.001-07:00

went for nus og outing today,
least i showed my face,
when i left at 10, i suppose they were really just
only gettin started.
it felt bit like an awkward 14-year-old birthday party.
haas, guess sometime when u get off on the wrong foot
thr's no turnin back.
no maaatter~
---------------------
new chapter gonna start soon.
im in a pool of excitment and apprehensiveness.
i keep harpin on it i suppose.
oh and thr's like a thousand and one camps to go for
like, how many times do i have to orientate myself ?
i know my sense of direction sucks, but really ?
on the bright side, i meet new people when i make the effort,
and that's always nice (:
----------------------
obs camp on mon, not quite lookin forward, but
whaaaat to do ~
actually, nah not true, im sure thr'll be awesome stuff for us to try
i just hope they dont push the leadership thing too hard
cuz like, if thr's one thing ive learnt over the years
loudness is necessary, but its not axiomatic for leadership
blah to loud ncc guys, altho most of em are pretty funny (:
---------------------
miss my baby, his pop this sunday, so proud of him(:
ive been warned that he'll stink, but no matter,
i shall bring breakfast and sweet kisses to him
wakakkaks, omg cant believe i just broadcasted on my blog.
heh, whatevaaaeeees
--------------------
took the psychometric test today,
don think i'll fair too well,
considerin thr was math and time contrainst.
it doesnt really matter to me, so long they dont take away the scholarship
* fingers crossed*
--------------------
its kind of dawned upon me that this moe shit is my lifeline
lol, if i dont do well, i die
if i misbehave, i die
if i fail to do any admin stuff, i die
OMG, JUST CHECKED EMAIL, CAMP IS AT SHEARES.
NOOOOOOO ~ urrrrrrrrrgh.
im not cranky but,... sian.
one word says it all, 'sian'

WILDchildDREAMER
SAM

monetize

2011-06-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

i dint know thr was a 'monetize' option, until i accidentally clicked on it two sec ago.
wakakas, i'd be a deficit investment [no such thing, but u get the drift (: ]
Ohkay, have juust put 'TRANSFORMERRS !' on my fb wall.
heheh, im a total movie junkie,
well, excludin horror movies.
horror movies are like.. the wild thoughts in your head, cept amplified and more.. 'RAHHH ! IN YOUR FACEEE !' and for some reason, the boy i love, loves it, and well, i made a deal to let him choose the next time we go to the cinema, so i pretty much have to prep myself -.-
i am NOT and NEVER will be a horror fan.
ohkay, so TRAAAANSFORMERRRRS !
was pretty awesome,
kind of like how they just swwwopped megan fox out with a 'she-just-doesnt-love-you-breakup'
how can a woman not love a guy after he's saved the earth, TWICE.
wakakkas, still, its like a suckerpunch in her face. hiakhiak.
think fox if hotter than rosiedonnowhat tho. heh
OMG SHIAAA<333
ohkayohkay,
aywy, think thr were parallels to the 'harrypotter' complication
maybe its a hero-complicity
lyk .. after all the action and drama, after all of it's died down, the hero's just out of the loop. // to 5th book, angsty harry potter.
speakin of which. IM AM SO EXXXXCITED THAT HP7 IS COMIN OOOOUUUTTTTTTT , altho nt as psyched as when hp7 the book came out. heh.
----------
'ooooi~ never sweep the kitchen ah'
'no need lah'
'whaaat ?! what dont need.'
'no need lah, kitchen's not part of the house'

to be honest, its really nt in our hsehold, we HARDLY ever cook -.-
so technically its just a space that looks like a kitchen, but is more often used for storage.
i had to sweep the kitchen in the end tho, if nt the argument'd go on and on and on and on and on..
--------------------------
been stayin at home these two days , feels pretty good spendin time with mum(:
------------------------
stepdad peelin skinn off his foot again, the last time he did that there was blood stains everywhr.
'go and do a pedicuuuuureee, please'
'no need, they don remove corn one.'
'silence... '
---------------------
*sigh* have to go for some psychometric test tmr,
hope i have enough logic in me to pass it.
optimistic ppl who prefer imagination to scientific facts.. hard to say.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

fallinginlove

2011-06-28T09:21:00.001-07:00

was watchin glee project.
and this girl, emily, said 'i tried not to fall in love with people, but i did. because there were beautiful people'
and i was like. whoa.
she just put what i feel to words.
i fall in love with people.
Their kindness, compassion, humour&vulnerability
---------
you know when you get those touchy-feely moments?
i get em all the time, but its kind of hard to share em.
people often laugh it off. i guess its the easier way to react.
but if you ever get, if i ever have that fulfilment, i think i sld write em down.
haas, i sld start a quote book again, start writing (:
i can only put so much on this blog.
---------
is it really forgivable to us to make mistakes?
for young people to act silly and be irresponsible?
i guess i never really understood 'let loose'
cuz i cld never really 'let loose'
i'd feel like if i did, the walls would fall apart and then who'd be there
to be the reliable one for mum ?
the one mum could count on to do well,
to make sensible decisions.
yet when im this person, more-aware-of-what-im-doing than most teenagers
it doesnt seem enough.
so going to university , im soo apprehensive of freedom
that i cant embrace it.
and if i cant, i feel like i cant fully appreciate the life ahead of me .
free-dom, the word sounds spacey and vague and well,
like all matters, thr's obviously two sides.
-----------------
*listening to rolling in the deep

WILDchildDREAMER
SAM

detachment

2011-06-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

ive been feelin pretty detached.
not really soul away from body, more like i feel like having some alone time
at the same time i miss everyone's company.
maybe its the bombardment[i bet i spelt that wrongly, heh] that's putting me off.
but that sounds arrogant.
lol.
bit pissed off, maybe i was insistent on my end, so its really my fault.
so, like, zzz, hai.
i miss q, fullstop
----------------------------------
sometimes when you take the train and you glance around.
you see people alone.
people obviously unsatisfied with their lives.
people who appear to be in love.
people who live in oblivion, without ambition.
people who are plain tired, old.
people with big hearts.
people who think the world of themselves.
where and how do i fit in ?
am i suppose to fit in ?

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

backfromcamp!

2011-06-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

just back from fass camp.
well, wasnt really myself all the time lol.
thr were alot of guy girl games, that apparently was cuz the national dating agency was our sponsor, so yadayada, make the link urself (:
sooo ~, yeawell, the games were appropriate, so i was totally fine with it (:
fright night was pretty awesome, wakakas, dint like the clown too much tho.
theeeeen, hmmwell, during the camp could talk to most of the girls
hardly spoke to any of the guys, though, some were real nice, i heard
think cuz i missed q too much to want to talk any other guy. heh
havent seen him in coming to 14 days.
and durin the hth time, well, they asked bout traffic light status and all that
and i was like, oooh 'red', oooh 3years.
& it kinda hit me.
woah, three years. lol
are we gonna be like the couples who break up after 10 ?
or those who marry, but did because they were so used to each other ?
or those who are so tied to each other till the day they die.
i love q, with all of my heart. like i would rip the person who hurts him, but what if it turns out to be me ? like,,i do have my doubts and clouds of uncertainty
-------------
movin on the happier stuff,
batam was pretty awesome :DD like wakakaks, there was the waiter 'zul' who kept smiling and saying 'okay' to random stuff we said.
theeen there was the massage-scrub thing that made me feel so violated wakakas. like OHMYGOD, THERES A RANDOM LADY LOOKIN AT MY BOOBS , kind of thing.
then there was the shoppin(:, dint buy excessively, but bought mre than usual:D heh
--------------
oh and i got tanned again, thr's a fringe tan line -.-
but i gotta say, i think i look pretty good with a tan. hiakhiakk :D
the hubbers met up today, i totally forgot bout it, oooops.
had camp hangover, only woke like a couple of hours ago. heh.
---------------
so well, just updating my life. apparently my blog template is outdated again. shall hunt for
a new one soon.
i have a small urge to write stories again, shall see hw (:

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: thank god i dint have to wear a bikini, im like so out of shape nw.
though it does feel like i've lost what i gained in 5 months, in 5 days. WHOO !

pps: sld really start joggin

self discoveries

2011-05-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

i learnt a couple things about myself today.

1] inspite of all ive told nut bout thinking of getting twitter, im still a blog sort of person.
2] im a jealous sort of person but i think ive learnt to deal with it much better (:
3] i really love q very much, but nonetheless i have yet to fully grasp how to deal with the public perception. i appreciate the polite curiousity and genuine questions, but i have to admit, sometimes i cant get past the stigma myself.
Yet when I look at q, the rest of the world falls away.
4] I was mean to my mum, but i was brave enough to say sorry.
5] i do not like rum, it made my drink taste like cough syrup
6] a thumb inkpad thingy costs roughly $17, kns.
7] that i tend to quietly observe and sometimes end up looking nonchalant. at least in my mind do, but, well, im thinking, considering, turning my thoughts over in my head
8] in spite of the evident need to save, i spend
9] i still have that low self-esteem inner girl
10] that sometimes you find good company in the most unexpected places (:

WILDchildDREAMER
Sam

p.s: i want to write a book

cravings

2011-04-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

you can deprive me
you can demand from me
you can deftly crack my heart in half.
but i will defend my spirit till the last fort
is destroyed and my veins are poisoned with
hate.
------------------
finally did the acceptance today :DD
yayy ~ MOE called me :DD i was quite literally shivering with joy,
cuz of the cold in the office and cuz of sheer joy
can tell mumsy super happy. hiakhiakhiak
they told me i'd have to do 4 modules of lit tho:/
not really lookin forward, but ahwells.
-------------------
i like to think that i am a sensible girl
to a certain extent i believe i am.
at the same time, i have ridiculous fantasies that shall not be stupidly revealed
on a public blog. haas ~
went for supper with dorothy, cheryl and wilson ytd:D
contemplated life,
sometimes i realize, i take life too seriously.. or at least i contemplate too much of life.
hence, my blog.
today i had the temptation to take up twitter..
but i think i can still .. lyk.. not succumb. haas -

WCD
SAM

adult supper

2011-04-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

i always felt like supper was a treat and a very adult thing today.
i felt like an adult today :D haas ~
--------------------
ive been discussing too much to too many people,
im having my big mouth syndrome again.
zzz, make myself look bad
--------------------
meeting cheryl n mc tomo :DD excites ! *
havent met em in aaaages <333
-------------------
every experience and every relationship is a learning experience.
i feel like ive survived the worst, but life just keeps throwin more crap in your face.
but then again, its in your darkest moments, that you appreciate the
weakest ray of light, and that the weakest ray of light becomes a lighthouse beam of hope.
haas ~
[disclaimer: then again, it might be your mind making a weak ray of light seem like a beam for the comfort of everyone]

WCD
SAM

ps if that sounded poetic, im proud to say i came up with it myself:D

pps : haas- just thought of more stuff.. i realize how i kinda feel obligated to feel happy about sad stuff if you want to look for someone to talk to. hmm, ohkay fine, thats true to a limited extent, with my bffs i can emo and mourn foreverr and they'll be thr(: .. uuuuurrgh.. it sucks that for all the years ive put in this blog, im still hormornal and growing -.- , i.e. still have emo tendencies

blingbling

2011-04-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

chiali lent me her blingbling nail polish.
at first i tot it was abit much, but OMG I LOVEE ITTTT !
wakakakkas.
im need to budget my spending:/
hai.
---------------------
q finally willing to speak to me:DD
<3<3<3 enough said
---------------------
met up with cx today<333
cheered me up looooadds (((:
* sigh
---------------------

WCD
SAM

still no reply

2011-04-22T06:53:00.000-07:00

q still not talking to me, shall try again tonight.
i know its my fault ):
---------------------------
been reaally tired after work these days, not too sure why but like...
maybe cuz deep down, im bummed out:/
-------------------------
today was baby jingwen's bday,
shes my sunshine <3<3<3
her innocence and freedom is undescribable.. haaas, is thr such a word?
whatevees~
anyhoos ~, it sucks to think her child sense as ephemeral..
blaaaks,
shall not dwell on unnecessary skeptical thoughts..
--------------------------
mum watching korean show again
haaas ~

'where's my boxers'
'there got one. there ~~ thaat sidee !'
'where ?'

WCD
SAM

9 tailed fox

2011-04-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

mum watchin this korean drama bout a 9-tailed fox turned human love serial thingy.
i kept asking 'maaa, what's it about ?'
'theree~~ the jiu wei hu ~ '
'huhh ???'
'thereee ~ you donno how to read subtitles ah'
' .. ??'
------------------------------
i keep flashing back to the other msg convo i had with my mum
it was right after i dyed my hair using liese, she say the dye and all in the bin
'girrl ! you dye your hair ?'
'yup'
'what colour ??'
'heheh, blue !'
'waaaa! nice not ?'
of cuz i dint dye it blue, i was just trying to elicit an outraged response from me mum,
instead she shocked me. hehh
when i was home i was like
'waa, maa i said i dye my hair blue you not angry ah ?'
'why ? nice can already lo, anyway you siao one ma'
'.. ???'
-----------------------------------------
work today was slightly better.
not as many people, but i wasnt as sick and otw thr and back the train wasnt like
super crowded so i felt .. not so ravaged.
---------------------------------------
mum keeps bugging me about accepting fass, i think i should
before im really too late,
i shouldnt be complacent and all.
--------------------------------------
q not talking to me, my fault ):
i apologized and called, but he refuses to pick out,
so pretty bummed out today ://

wcd
sam

passwords&crossroads

2011-04-20T18:50:00.001-07:00

im starting to be bit paranoid, cuz i know my password is like superrr unsafe.
but at the same time i dont think i can handle having to rmb too much .
.. will figure sth out when i have the time.
-------------
if i had a suckerpunch moment [the part babydoll closes her lids with freaklishly long lashes],
i'd be standing at the end of a meadow, facing a forked road.
its not the ''easy'', ''tough'' road thing going on,
or at least since its my imagination, my vision isnt very good, so i wouldnt be able to see which
has sticks and stones, but basically im about to thread my first step towards the rest of my life.
[technically i've never seen a meadow. wakakkas,but who cares,i alr said imagination]
and i have to choose where to go..
its such a cliched experience, but there're prolly thousands out thr feelin the same way.
to me alone, the uncertainty alr feels pretty daunting
omg, if thousands of us stood at the meadow and took turns to line up and pick a path, ..
hmm, i dont know if i'd hyperventilate and never take that step, or be feel calmer because there're others with me.
it just struck me, that if i never leave the meadow i'll be forever stucked in my comfort zone :/
------------------------------
sometimes i wish there was real magic in the world.
haas~

WCD
SAM

pieces

2011-04-20T07:58:00.001-07:00

somtimes i feel like my life are these fragmented pieces that dont seem to fit.
i am desperately trying to get them to fit,
once in a while they do,
then everything just falls to pieces again.
-----------------------------------
im having a potential argument with q.
i dont know.
im really thinkin much,
im prolly already regretting what i said,
didnt think twice,
i know its not fair to him in a sense that
i cant always be thr .. or lyk do the things he wants with him.
idk..
im just really tired and sleepy
-------------------------------------
went for ntu talk with joy.
loooved talkin to her:DD cuz she always has an alternative point of view.
its no fun talkin to someone who just agrees all the way
------------------------------------
been pretty sick all day, sneezing like maaad.
my nose hurrts tttm now ):
what to do :/
------------------------------------
maybe im getting my period soon;
which would explain the sudden need to blog and feel emotional and sadd
or maybe its cuz im at the crossroads right now and its
giving me such a huggggee headache.
zzz...

wcd
sam

buses and taxis

2011-04-18T08:23:00.001-07:00

i hate taking buses and taxis. i freak out most of the time cuz i have noooo control over whr im going:/ and tomo if q has work i have to go do the ADM building thingy on my own which is scary TTM. i'd ask my mum along, but she has work, besides i have too much pride. heh ------------------ been muggin bit here and thr for the interview tomo i hope i don look like a fool. i feeeeel like ive pretty much covered current issues, but i need to read up on my past essays to feel like i still have some arguing substance in me. HEH. zzz they'll prolly laugh at how bloody ignorant i am. zzz, ohwells, least i'll dress up and look good on the outside. HEH ------------------ i was a politics junkie for the past hour or so, reading up on some stuff not all purely for the usp interview.. i DID have the intention to watch 'a political forum' haas- faaaaailure, sdp and wp well represented in the hood ~ but the rest fell flat. Jteo was smiling so placidly while she was arguing and .. xiao li chang dao TTM ! reminds of me the penguin at work.[hohoho:D] aywy while i was reading the poliblogs, kinda felt ashamed of what i have. wakakkas, blogging bout minute things that only matter to me. ohwell, youth culture in sg i suppose NARCISSIM(: im trying to figure out whats with the tin pei ling thing, is the whole issue really just cuz she's young and married to a-i-dont-know-who-but-apparently-hes-quite-influential-guy ? dont tons of women do that ? ----------------------------------- As if late, i have solved the mystery of 1] The libyan issue - why thr is destruction thr ): 2] How a nuclean plant works - thanks to j's drawings(: 3] Why c looks permanently tanned 4] Why thr's more hype this year bout the GE - or maybe cuz im just paying more attn this year. heh ------------------------------------ it's sophia's bday today, i wished her on fb just now shall beep her later(: after looking at her profile photo, i have resigned to the fact that i will always be jealous of her :/ ahwell. ------------------------------------- i cant believe how BLIND and STM i am :/ i went joggin today and i wanted to use the FASS arm pouch thingy to put my phone in. i left it somewhr and couldnt find it for 20 mins ?! i gave up and opened another. when i got home, it was lying on the dining chair, lookin untouched. BUT HOW COULD THIS BE ?!?!?, I WAS SEARCHING EVERRRYWHR ! i think i even had my glasses on just to search, :/ i even checked the fridge . zzzz -------------------------------------- anyways, i was really emo in the morn. cuz my mum and i kinda confronted each other bout the whole squabble. as usual, we dint really trash things out, but at least we're speaking normally again. my mum reeeeeeally confuses me -.- i know its super tough being a mum, its making me doubt if i ever want to be a mum god knows, if i had a daughter like me, omg, idk what i'd do. wakakkaks i can a feel, a tiny, tingly , small want in me to write amateur poems and some narrative again. i also feel a small tiny need to excercise - thus the jog today, i can feel myself getting out of shape. heh well, i guess i sld enjoy the last few years in my teens:DD before i forget them like how i simply cant rmb much happpy stuff from my childhood:/ WCD SAM

temptation

2011-04-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

give me candy give me milk give me money give me food give me clothes give me wine give me cars give me attention give me freedom give me that insidious smile give me pain give me strength give me faith give me more. wcd sam

'i'm juuuuudging you !'

2011-04-17T06:28:00.000-07:00

wakakaks, chialie is hilarious, 'i'm juuuudging you !' teehee * random anyhoos ~ feeling bit crosseyed today:/ --------------- not having the best of relationships with me mumsy and pops againn. gotta gear up for USP.. not very into the idea of utown.. butttttttt what if i cant a place in hall :/ zzzzz, ssssssssssssiaaan anyways, i hate having to think about ...* went to bomb the toilet, bacck ~ * * watching the news bout GE - how lame it is in sg -.- ----------------- to be honest, im not sure the 'actual solution' to singapore's apathy but.. alaaaaa ~ *zones off ...* OMG RANDOM ! WHY HAVE ANGMOH !? maybe im being suagu, but seriously, RANDOM ! i see alot of angmohs in commonwealth. heheheh ---------------------------------- i'm suppose to be packin the stuff right now or at least reading up on current affairs. HEHHH zzz... i realize after all the complications, inferiority complex, drama and trauma, im still a kid -.- i dont really know how ppl get that 'growing woman' feel, cuz i really dont really.. wakakkas, maybe cuz i'm not really willing to .. ------------------------------------- i'm so put off by the adverts in sg -.- borrrrringggg ~~~ i still dont get soccer, 24 men chasing one ball.. OMGG, U SEE ! THE IRISH POLITICIANS HAD A NAKED PHOTOSHOOT ! wakakkas, they're hairy middle aged men but still.. better then randomly walkin around hawker centres and shaking hands. lol -.- ---------------------------------- y'knw i always want to comment but choose not to cuz i feel lyk i'm lyk superrrr ignorant, and as such sld just keep my mouth shut instead. HEH WCD SAM

why not twitter

2011-04-13T08:37:00.001-07:00

ive been thinkin for awhile why i never got around to getting a twitter account. (im lying, heh, i just realized actually) 140words is not enough for someone as longwinded as me , besides.. it doesnt give me the space to think :/ anyhoos, life's been a whirlwind, which must be why im here. i havent been here in aaaaaages, heh :D met up with nut today :D which was a real nice surprise, even though we alr agreed, well, plans dont always work. hehh. q went clubbing today, which ... is kinda ohkay to me really, cuz i cant go with him anyways and hes been wantin to go forever. mightaswell.. im reaaaaally pretty bummed out that i dint get to meet the ruggers :// been looking forward for quite awhile. then again, working at hubber paradise is pretty awesome too :DDDD ~ i totally remember the horrible awkwardness during training, THANK GOD I TOOK A LEAP OF FAITH AND STAYED ON :D cuz everyone's really awesome right now and i enjoy going to work :DD [OMG, im going thru right now and i cant believe i wrote 'i enjoy going to work'] ------------- anyway, im at the crossroads of life right now. quite literally.. . i need time to sit and stone and think. havent gotten the chance to so far ): *sigh. and there are other stuff on my mind too. recently did this psychology test ..mmm which turned out to be pretty true.. . or it mmmmight be self fulfiling , donno. but still :D ------------ i mmmmight be coming here more often. then again.. that's what i say all the time. heh :DD i think i need to prac my eloquence. HAHAHH. eloquence?! . alaaaa ~ WILDchildDREAMER SAMantha

6months ltr

2011-02-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

Im finally back here.feelin bit lousy n needed an avenue to talk.. Dint think broadcastin urself on fb was much of a good idea,so now i back at my olee' blog..

I feel terrible bout not being able to thr for q. He planned this wonderful date and has been so sweet to me n yet i cant reprocicate in the simplest gestures. His quiet disappointment breaks my heart. I feeel useless.

Truth is, since work started, i feel quite like a wimp. I think ive always been one. And not being able to give my fullest in what seems like most aspects of my life these days makes me feel more of a loser. I evidently dont shine in sports. Studies have dropped. Not excatly great at my job. N apparently now, imma lackluster girlfriend.

Q's been thr for most of my ups n downs.. Hes been quite a part of them too.. Hes stood up for me and.. Well, growin pains i guess..

Q means alot to me, i tell him all the time.. I wish i cld show him just as much too

SAM

gaga-girls

2010-07-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

ohkay, today was pretty fun, even tho i spent all day at phone
and nobody picked my calls. wakakkas
aywy, so mum's friend gave her this dodgy lookin yogurt thing like bout a week ago
nope, dint use it
and it fermented. , so mum opened the container and
IT STINKED THE WHOLEEE HOUSEEEE ~
wakakkas, omg, it smelt so bad ! like pukeee !
like. waaa. den korkor came hor and sprayed air freshner everywhr
wakakkas,
mum's friend gave her another container today. LOL
its one of those things, that ur like a neighbour keeps givin
and u bleah them but its not very nice to reject
so it ferments in ur fridge ~
huahuas.
oh and today bro kept say 'gagagirls' ''he meant wondergirls'
*
past week been havin exams.
mmmm, i'd say its allllright. hope i'll do well (:
uuuuurgh, still cant find the noisy fatass lizard thats making the
KROOOOO sound everynight

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : 'American culture looks best in tv,... best if it stays thr too.'

BILL MAHER

2010-06-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

was reading xiaxue's
heh, i knowwww what you're thinkin ~
BUT. its not all bad, she's actually pretty good at arguing
so anyway, found out bout BILL MAHER from hre,
he's discussing bout the some of the ridiculous stuff
ppl say bout gayism. so yea.
watch he's other vids too, he just owwwwwwwwns ppl faace down
then they'll have the
OHSHIT face.wakakakaks.
*
past few days, studying momentum has definitely picked up
after one phonecall. heh
which shows, the right words coming from the right person
means and can do alot for another :D
*
been eating waaaaay too much
im beginnin to worry that i cant fit into my sch u
=///
*
rain was poooouring like maadd.
flooded orchard, first time in like the last 20yrs or so
*
been a good girl and helped mum sweeped the floor in like 2 or 3 times in a roll
RECORD BREAKER
WHOOOOO

WILDchildDREAMER
SAM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HKHaClUCw4&feature=related

sex&thecity2

2010-06-12T06:22:00.000-07:00

FINALLY CAUGHT THE GLITZ AND GLAMOURRR~ hurhurhurs
well, the rating are true ~~ it wasn't as good as the first one.ahwells(:
at least i finally caught it in english
*
today was lethargic ttm
spent the day doin entirely nothing..
well, at least i spent some time with my fam.
and ... well, i need to set my mind on a goal.
i need to want my studies as badly as i did 5yrs ago.
it feels kinda weird,no ?
in 5 years, i feel vastly different from who i used to be. or was. maybe still am. but, yea...
*
i don think anybody's reading this right now, so i suppose its quite safe to say
'the things that're going thru in my head, but i can never actually say'
while absence made me aware of how strongly i felt,
it made me realize too that i need to break away from this need.
i don't like feeling like as if i'm so easily hooked,
it makes me feel weak and vulnerable .
'Doesn't the fact that he wants to spend time away from you, hurts your feelings?'
quotes from sex&thecity
*
being emo, is REALLY annoying.
mmmmwell, quite sadly, i havent any inspiration to write right now...
so im trotting off to bed ~
tralala ~
quite gay, wakakkas
ohwell

WCD
SAM

ps : 'not baaad, mr shu ~ quite fly for a white guy~ ' -Mercedes, glee

oh dear

2010-06-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

oh dear, my poor blog,
wakakkas,well IM BACCCK:DDD
been reading way too much and having too much insomnia, i need to get back
to doing this .
i need to thoroughly empty my brain before i sleep
besides, i need enough records of my life to write a book :D

AITES ANYWAY, update on my life
rugby's just stepped down,
i miss it sooooooooo much
every time i think of how my jc's life drawn to nothing
i think back of the girls
and think otherwise(:
sure, thr was the bitchin and dislike and what not
but it will always very much a part of who i am today
wakakkas, for one, ive been hit so many times by the ball in the face
that im not as afraid of balls anymore
and for another, because of rugby,
i pretty convinced, ive made some lifelong friends(:
*
aites, so i read this book,bout an expat wife's life
it was so funnnnnny. huahuahuas
'diplomatic baggage' it'll definitely be one of the rereads i'll do one day
along with 'spirited away'
all pretty girly books, but mind u, ive read my fair share of murder stories
and i like em :DD huahuas
*
anyway, so this other book i was reading bout..., well it
adds to the other versions of 'love' ive read about, and probably can
find in books. movies? not so much.
i like rom coms, but sappy ones like the last song... not very likely
SO ERM YA,
i love the feelin of a WHOOSH in me, the kinds u get at the start.
its what i feel IF i feel sth.
that being sad, ive felt the steadiness of tender love.
quiet love. not LOUD and OUT-THERE kind of love.
and i must say, being 18, im not ready for thaat kind of quiet..
while its reassuring and still very much love, im still 18
so anyways, i started thinkin bout the dwarfs and assigning
types of 'loves' to them, which isnt very nice. wakakkas
its not my place to say, but since i cant sleep, i dint bother to veer off that track
SO, love.
i would just like to say that right now at 18, is like the lousy teh-c u drink at some random foodcourt. u've heard of how FANTASTIC it can be, u've probably seen it somewhr, but u haven't savoured the true taste of it.
love, doesnt always have to concern a boy. in fact, ive come to learn that , it hurts most when it concerns a dick. so why put yourself in that precarious situation ?
not until u're ready.
we may use the word 'love' freely, and like diarrhea [i still cant spell this word, i used the dic] but the true meaning would probably come to you, only when u feel that hot rush, AND steadiness at the same time. and we're all still learning
*
JUST went to famine camp over the weekend.
was one of the reasons why i wanted to come back hre and have a verbal diarrhea [OMG I JUST SPELT THIS WORD]. but havent really got around to doing it as we can see. haa.
so yea , had a hot facil, but a mighty lousy one. she tried, she had a belly ring, and at least she was nice. but other than that, poor girl. so much for being in the much hyped-up-everyone-has-fun-and-mugs-hard hci. huahuahuas. yes i forever have a vengeance against this school.
ohkay wait back to famine camp, im just goin over the superficial details
the girls in my grp were all great :DD i would say i def made some real friends, if not for
the fact it was just a two-day thing .
the guys were pretty alright. in fact, the RJ boys were ironically the most entertaining,
oh and did i mention ? i dragged my bro along with me to the camp, and couple of me classmates:DD
so anyway, the stereotypes were thr to prove the stereotypes, but i do feel rather fortunate to have met the underdogs.
one was buff, a guy's guy, boyish kind, the other not the same, i.e the mugger, but made up for it with his wit (: hmmm, i just realized that one had brawn but not brains and the other vice versa. wakakkakas. ahhwell, god is fair
ooh and thr were the ACI boys, u'd think i'd met some burly rugby dude right. but i met two of the tiniest of the lot. wakakaks. THEY WERE SHORTER THAN ME BY AT LEAST 5-10CM, tats saying alot for guys. wakakkas. but they were bright [told u god was fair] got the team thru most of the games. oh but well, thr were 4 and one sneaked off to have dinner at newton circus, the other left early. JUST SIMPLY LIKE THAT. they literally just walked off. though, i learnt not to categorize the boys. cuz tho they were utter idiots for doin the above [& the granted; irritating the shit out of the girls] they ACTUALLY offered help. and they were rather bright. so i give em credit :D
oh and i had fun bossing the boys who sat beside me during the sewing thingy.
wakakkas, apparently.. well not apparently.. EXPECTEDLY they couldnt sew, THEY DINT EVEN NOE HOW TO THREAD A NEEDLE. if u're reading this and don't know either, GO TAKE A NEEDLE AND STRING AND LEARN NOW. so erm what was i saying ? yeaa, i had fun bossing them . well, at the same time i was just being helpful. obviously dont know to sew, den come here to try to 'earn' money. [we had to get 'jobs' during to camp, pretend to be poor and get real sucky jobs]
oh but the highlight of it was the b*tch i met.
well, i'll give her more credit than that. she was either one of those LOUD POPULAR GIRL everyone hates and loves at the same time, or one of those irritants. but since she could fake the accent pretty well, i'd think shes the former [had her cliquegirls with her] hmm,well i might discriminating right hre, but wtv. wakakas. THERE WERE SO MANY BIMBOO GSGs THERE I WANTED TO STRANGLE THEM AND RATTLE THEIR TEETH FOR BEING SOOOOOO WHINY AND IRRRRRITATING, are they seriously blind to the number of eyeballs rolling when use their squeaky voice ?! fortunately, brainaic RJ guy shared sentiments, and we had a self indulging moment rolling our eyes at random squeaky girl
OH BUT YES, back to the bitchy girl
she couldnt bloody sew, makin a hell lot of noise for the pathetic work she did and blabbering excitedly when she finally manage to thread a needle. [i dint help cuz she was opposite me, (strike) cuz of whiny voice(/strike)] so anyway, i was just doin the sewing, quite like a maniac, needed the money man. and did like twice of what they told us to do, [to sew buttons in the shape of <3] style="font-size:85%;">[WELL, with it out of tune, imagine fake accent] WHY ? BUT NOOOOOBODY TOLD US ~ HEYYY ! THAT'S NOT FAAAIR ~'
i wanted to shut her up, but decided not to make a scene, since the employer was goin to 'pay' me twice anyway, WHO BLOODY KNEW SHE WAS GOIN TO GIVE ME 'MALARIA' for 'OVERWORKING' bloodyhell. i did the very same thing, like an hour ago, she dint give me MALARIA THEN ~ ? so i came with the conclusion that ATTAS ppl help one another out. wakakkas, i might get into hell lot of trouble sayin this, but i suppose i can safely say its somewhat innate that you'd helped 'your' own people. employer was from hci. bitchy girl, from some SAINT sch.
well, i don have anything against GSGs, but god help the few who are outright air-heads tarnishing the rest. god knows how much i love mz,na2, jedi and even tho it PAIIINS me to say this, abi.
so anyway, thr were tons of other stuff, like i had to pretend to be 'dead' and they had to
'carry my corpse' to the crematorium. btw, ACI has too much air-con around to ever claim that they're 'environmentally-friendly'
so anyway, yea, they were carrying my legs [girls had to carry girls and vice versa] so they all just suddenly '1..2..3 !' and lifted me up wakakkas and one of them were like 'wa, you're so light. easy la' quite sadly, i gave her backache later. wakakkas. [altho, in my defence she was carryin me wrong] so yea, my legs were sticking out behind the girls who were carrying my legs, AND IT WAS SUCH A MAD RUSH. imagine a whole mass of people carrying one another, and bumping into each other. so i decided to help the girls :D since i cant carry myself, i used my legs to jam into ppl's asses wakakkakakkas. HOW BRILLIANT AM I. they cant exactly blammmme me, i cant see ! im being carried. HOHOHO.
[btw, im sorry for all the gross spellin, too lazy to correct em. and the firefox got too lazy underlining in red too. wakkkas. the red lines literally just DISAPPEAR ! heh]
yea, then the corpses had to remain in the auditorium and they played a video on haiti. and i swear, im such a softie/wuss i cry at EVERY vid they show. wakakkas. yep, so i teaared, and after that we were asked to make a prayer for the victims. and i felt slightly comforted that i tried to help, i may not have given a 100% but its a start.
another thing that happened during the camp that left a deeep impact ingrained in my head was the ausssie dude and viet dude.
cut long story short, aussie dude helps street kids in viet, and he used to be a teacher. viet dude, one of the first kids who inspired him to do so. altho, the viet dude has grown up from the streetkid he used to be, is undeniably rather cute. [i seriously think i have a thing for underdogs. wakakas, well granted they're moderately cute.]huahuas,has a boyish face.
so anyway he told us his story. what touched me, wasnt excatly his story, because as much as it was personal to him, its something too many directors have tried to put in movies that the theme of the underdog is so desensitized. what touched me was the genuine-ty of what the aussie guy had to say. it was so real and there, and apparent that he truly was helpin the kids out of his altruistic belief that it enveloped the entire hall. or at least for me. for that one hour, EVERYONE listened. i wasn't getting annoyed, cuz i dint see anyone dozing off. neither were they lookin at their iphones. which i might have to add, that altho the iphone gets me excited, i think it just caused more damage to our alr ungracious society. PARENTS, IF YOU WANT TO GIVE UR CHILD AND IPHONE/ITOUCH [even if for no apparent reason], FINE, SPLURGE THE MONEY, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT. BUT CAN YOU PLEASE TEACH THEM SOME SOCIAL ETIQUETTE. it doesnt help that TAPTAP revolution rings in the hall when someone's tryin to talk. so yea, the aussie dude runs this organization 'blue dragons' in vietnam. rescued kids off the streets, saved girls from prostitution.
the problem is.
THE PROBLEM LIES IN.
the fact that while he is charismatic and sincere in what he has to say, he's STILL talkin to an apathetic audience, who consist of singaporean students. i say im poor, but i can never compare what i have to what the poor kids can never have. i may have a dysfunctional family, but at least i have one.
charity isnt money. its sympathy, its heart.
i know what saying all this sounds like (strike)cheesy and irritating (/strike).
im not some SELF-RIGHTEOUS LIFE-CHANGING NELSON MANDELA, im a teenager, just like u. still unwilling to give up years spent on pure self-centered-ness . Because its easy. and its convenient. but i take comfort in the fact that at least I know and I'M aware of this plight. and someday, when im older, i want to help.
reading this wont change you, it wont change anyone, its just one of my reflections.
*
sometimes i think i talk like an old woman.
*
SO ANYWAY, back to family,
my mum started goin for the mendaki upgrading course couple of months back
AND ITS BEEN A BLAST FOR HER. wakkakas
so it once again proves why when people say the best time of their lives was probably when they were in school. [thats another whole other area of psychoanalysis]
it gave her a drive, a motivation to live life differently. and more perspective. because im convinced that my mother today isnt entirely the same she was last year. she's still the strong woman i look up to, but in the subtle ways, shes letting me grow up and givin me the space
hmmm, actually forget it, i cant explain it. maybe its cuz im older too. but anyway, i just wanted to reemphhasize on how much i love my mum. plain and simple. (:

AITES, thats it for the verbal diarrhea from sam today.
hopefully tonight i'll sleep better

WCD
SAM

ps : once again, im at one of the crossroads of my life.
...
i really think too much.

small world

2010-02-28T04:45:00.000-08:00

well, havent been here in aaaages.hmm
just went to ms kwok's profile
and am now ENVIOUS TO THE MAXXXXXX.
cuz she's obviously seen enough of the world to die with no regrets man
yea, so she's prolly 28 and not married
but OMG, she's been to poland and what not.
POLAND, ive nvr even seen poland on tv
wakakas, but aywys
yeaaaaaap, inspiration for SAM.
*
so anyway, last week was preetty hectic at the start
then it slowed down
and i just slacked off. HEH.ahwell.
touch is ..well. to be honest i love the team,
& i don't mean to be all talky and motherly
but sometimes i see the things i see in my perspective,
and ..well, thank god there're others with similar eyeballs:DD
that being said, those who don't aren't bad, or whatever bitchy way of saying it comes to your mind
we just need to sort things out(:
*
watched percy jackson today, the effects was cool
the whole greek mythology thing got to me,
wakakkas, just as avatar did
man, i am all for the fantasy world:D
[suppose to be studying differentiation now]
*
life, has beeen preeeettty great (:
with, or without the love.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : ilovemylargefries :D

ugly scars

2010-02-15T06:43:00.000-08:00

i think if my heart was a tangible thing,
it' have fuuuuuugly scars .
*
cny's been alright(:
in a quiet family kind of way,
errr, ohwell
not in the mood to blog leh=/

WCD
SAM

ps: easy to read right :D

ambiguity

2010-02-10T05:18:00.000-08:00

VDAY IS COMINGG:DDD
i love valentine's day (:
this year clashes with cny=//
was bit of a bummer at first,
then it wasn't
ahwell..
*********************************
everyone seems to be go for threading
its kindaaa tempting me, huahuas
*********************************
went to sch with yz
went home with cheryl
went to lib with q

WCD
SAM

ps : just not reading too much into things(:

monday

2010-02-08T04:32:00.000-08:00

MONDAAAAY BLUEEES
i don usually get monday blueees
but i had monday blueees today
baobao had fever, poor child, shall msg to check if she's
ohkay laterr
*
supposed to be studying MC now, heh
but JUST HAD to catch up on glee
omg, IM SO IN LOVE WITH GLEE !
wakkakas, I <3333333 GLEE !
*
sch stress lvl slooowly mounting
and believe it or not, its mostly coming from lit
and im soo not confident bout ell
D.AAAAA.NG
*
ANNOYING teenage brother growin up
SOOOOOO IRRRRITATING, HE'S SUCH A MEGA GROOOUCH
*
just when you thought you knew,
the confusion starts again.

WCD
SAM

ps: samhasahappydisposition:D

ILOVEKUNGFUUUUU !

2010-02-03T06:27:00.000-08:00

heheh, bro watching kungfu panda
wakakas, AWWWW
ITS SHOOOOO CUTEEEEE !
I LOVEIT !
IT'S AWEEEESOOOME !
wakakas, ahwell
*
and had CCA bazaar today
it was not bad (:
bad a fun time with the ruggers again(:
went for dinner after that
which was funny
cuz mc kept saying all the silly stuff again
*
ytd night before i slept i realize some stuff
today, it just made me waay mre upset
but for some reason,
the feeling doesn't suface
i dont know
i just..
i really just want the things were back.
but at the same time,
im so much better off .
omg, ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WCD
SAM

ps: love like you've never been hurt

WALAO

2010-02-02T06:54:00.001-08:00

WALAOOOOOOOOOOOOO EHHHHHHHHH

not much,
just had the need to type that ouut

WCD
SAM

ps: i need a serious haircut-

sad.

2010-02-02T05:12:00.000-08:00

i do feel sad.
deep inside, im broken.
.
& in the end,
the question is still always
'why ?'

WCD
SAM

ps: for example,
you broke my heart but i still love you,
WHY ?!

wanted to

2010-02-01T06:15:00.000-08:00

you know how fb poisons our mind now
well yea,
and i saw q's status and so wanted
to talk to him.
lyk how silly is it to just 'air your rage' ?
*sigh
but, you know, i cant .
or rather, i sldn't
* just zoning out right hre.
ah whatever...
---------------------------------------------------------
today was an awesome day for the
RUGGIRRLS:DDD
heh, doin the banner was awesome and all (:

wcd
sam

ps: uuurrgh,
REWWWWWWIND BUTTON !!

hope.

2010-01-31T01:17:00.000-08:00

if you're reading this,
you probably alr know.
so i don't have to write it out in full here
which i much rather not.
but anyway,
you could say im heartbroken,
actually, i think i am
cept that there's nth i can do about it
and its a familiar feeling
and.. all i can really do is hope.
i love him, and truth be told
i want him back
so much.
and i could just think of a thousand ideas
i could do to try and make him see,
make him want 'us' back.
but in the end, if its just me pulling the stunts again,
thr really is no point is there ?
plus, which girl likes to woo ?
we're supposed to be woo-ed
not the other way around ~
and so,
i have the feelings, yes,
but it doesn't mean i have to act on them
i can bury them,
cuz for every happy memory, every happy thought
there is an equally heart-wrenching one.
-------------
if could do anything to take back that 2 mins in mac
i would
cuz then, i'd be out with you now,
'stead of writing about this.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAManhta

ps: at least this one
was honest.

no drama

2010-01-24T03:05:00.000-08:00

i don't feel any anger
or stab in my heart
maybe cuz im controlling
still deliberating the circumstances
but whatever it is
i think i've never felt more ...
sad and disappointed
you know ?
no cheem deep stuff
just raw emotion,
just upset.

WCD
SAM

ps : life couldnt peak and plunge more

the most wonderful things

2010-01-15T20:16:00.000-08:00

i had one of the most amazing kiss ytd
wakakakas, well, not lyk im shy bout it
but i would very much prefer to keep it
private, cept for the statement
'i had one of the most amazing kiss ytd'
:D wakakkas
*
block test starting next week
but im taking a break now so
im hre
been sick, down with flu and fever
so still feeling pretty lembek and all =/
eating my fruit lunch now tho :D healthy right
yea, i better, if not my health is just
going to go haywire what with As this year=/
* so not touchin the dragon fruit after 3 slices of its bitterness. plueak
*
so anyway, you knw how we're all growing up
and thinking how mature we are
then two years later look back and laugh at ourselves
yea, im having that, cept that its reversee like
im thinking how i'd be 21 in just three years
and thinking how silly or the bout the right choices i made when i
was 18
*
you know sometimes you
see how relationships are just doomed from the start
well, i just heard of the beginning of one (:

WCD
sam

ps: sometimes i thank god for the irony he bestowed upon me.
the perfect boyfriend right for all the wrong reasons. <333

pps: water melon seeds give me the creeps

2010-01-07T08:02:00.000-08:00

addicted to F.R.I.E.N.D.S
must watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S

wcd
sam

ps: love.
is a curious word

still

2010-01-05T22:06:00.000-08:00

wasted half a day alr
and still wasting it
ohwell,
i'll get to studying soon
i hope
*
still pissed with q
cuz it always happens
and happens all the time
and sometimes[quite often actually]
i think that i dont mean as much to him
as i used to
which is fine with me in a way
cuz hey, we're all still growing up
and i don't entirely believe things arnt
goin to change as the years go by
im not that naive, cuz it only gets you hurt
thaat being said, just because ive accepted that fact
it doesnt mean i don't get upset
and it doesnt make alright for him
to go back on his word
& when sch starts
officially starts,
all the crap's gonna start again
and if i can keep to my resolution
i'm not going to take it
i can make it with or without him
*
i think all girls should have that thought in their head
your boyfriend shouldn't complete you as a person
he completes your life
& if he doesn't or isn't willing to,
then maybe he's just not the right guy
and things change, guys are bound to come and go
if you're lucky
reaaally reallly realllllly lucky
then maybe you wld have met and married the first guy you fell in love with
but we may never know for sure
so while i love q very much,
i'm not going to suck it up
if he intends on being a lousy boyfriend
*
if someone you really care for
is soo angry at you
and you know it
but you nothing whatsoever to remedy it
thr's nth more blatant then that
that says you don't cherish what you have

WCD
SAM

ps : sometimes i just don't feel it anymore.

eve of eve

2009-12-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

ooohkay, was feeling pissed just now
lyk i-cant-believe-its-happening-again pissed
ahh, but whatever, why bother when the people
themselves don't care
*
so anyway, finally gave in the temptation to watch friends
and finally got started on studying seriously
although, now i feel pretty worried, cuz apparently
i've started late=// and thr's really TONS to do
& i cant do it at home
oh, and once again my fam has NO PLANS WHATSOEVER
on how to spend the new year's eve.
WHAT IF THE WORLD REALLY ENDS IN 2012, omg.
ANNNNYWAY, 2009 actually was pretty fun for me:D
lotsa new things, LOTS AND LOTS. heh
err. wait. i cant rmb why i came to blog....
thr was something deeeep lingering in my mind
and my fingers were tingling to blog...
OHWELL,
anyhoos-
instead of blindly diving into new year resolutions, i
reckon i should write out what ive learnt from 2009
first.

1] the number 1 thing ive learnt .. is how to play touch rugby :DDDD
hehehh, im not thaat good, but HEY ! i tried :D
2] number 2 ... ive learnt that my brother's growing up, and now i can see for myself
what kind of grump i was, since it runs the family. and apparently, I WAS HORRRRIBLE
3] next... ive learnt that what i missed most about my friends, is how they all used to be a part of my everyday life. Regardless of how 'close' they are, [i think 'closeness' is relative.. cuz you know how we all have different friends for 'different stuff' like your 'secret buddy' or 'gossip friend' thaat kinda thing]. & so, in actual fact, i still miss the dwarfs very very much<3 !
4] ive learnt that just because i mug hard, doesnt mean im gonna get results.
its a tough world, and if i don use my brains, im never going to be anywhr near great.
That being said, if i really learn to use my brains AND be hardworking. ' HOHO. you'd better watch out ~ ' wakakas
5] ive learnt that as i grow older, i learn of other new stuff, which i really rather not know... like how its funny to love at sex jokes cuz you get stuff, but its kinda sad to see that if you ever find a guy who values intimacy GUESS WHAT ? YOU'VE STRUCK GOLD !
6] ive learnt that being frank is the best way to go about handling crap like planning.
'Don't hate the player, hate the game' cuz otherwise, if you want to play goody goody, NOTHING is ever goin to get done=/
7] ive learnt SO MUCH BOUT BIRDS :DDDDD hehheh, and ohman seriously, i think thaat was like one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the year :D
8] ive learnt more about my family, like the crap my parents go through to put food on the table. & yet sometimes, i still remain so unappreciative of it
9] ive learnt a little more about the boy i love.
that in actual fact, for everything i love about him, he actually has something in equal measure for me to hate. & so, truth be told, one year doesnt mean much, if we really plan on spending the rest of our lives together. [wakakkas, ohwell, the sentence's overly serious, but it sounded smooth and sth out of a movie. so im keeping it :Djust for dramatic effect]
10] i've learnt everyday, bit by bit
about a small thing in all of us
called love-
*
OH and now i just recalled sth i wanted to blog about.heheh
that day after training. when i was so UTTERLY exhausted
i plopped on the mrt bench and saw IMMEDIATELY
...
..
.
'SO THIN
IT FEELS LIKE SKIN'
.
..
*
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS
1] GIVE MY ALL TO DO WELL FOR As
2] give more love <3<3<3
[be kinder to strangers
love my family, friends & boyfriend more, the right way]
3] be healthy and excercise even after touch ends ! :D
4] be a better person
[- cherish those who love me the same selfless way
-be more responsible & take more initiative
- Say hi and be friendlier :D
- reduce gossip tank by ..ermm. 1/4 ? :D
- perservere in touch ! ]
5] live my life the way i know best

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : my F.R.I.E.N.D.S isnt loading )):

sometimes

2009-12-21T05:17:00.000-08:00

SOMETIMES
THE HINTS
SPLASH ACROSS
A PAGE
BUT YOU
JUST.
STILL.
DON'T GET IT

like this one :D

wcd
sam

ps: REDUCE YOUR USAGE OF UNNECESSARY WRAPPING !

aloneathome

2009-12-21T04:55:00.000-08:00

this past couple days
have been one of the deeeepest pit of my life
number one. cuz ive passed them hopelessly meaningless-ly
[out of obligation to fill up the required number of days i spend 'relaxing at home and bonding with the family' so thaat i can go out the next couple of days
although considering my parents, i very much doubt it]
life is just never satisfying for any teenager
*
& ive been thinking of new year resolutions
ive hardly kept to any of em. usually i forget after the third day .HEH
oh wait. chrrrristmas
omg, YOU KNOWWWWW HOW MUCH I LOOOOOVE CHRISTMAS ?
forget the snow, just the familial spirit, im so in loved with the utopian world
thaat i could even forget the horrendous zit on my nose just indulging in a 'christmas'y moment
=/
this year is going to be SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE LAST THO
i don quite understand WHY OH WHY i cant go out and celebrate xmas
when 'celebrating' xmas at home is crap
lyk ohkay, if i go out my mum and bro would be at home on christmas
& thaat would suck even more.
but whaats the point
if my mum dint plan on following traditions after i turned sixteen
i'd much rather she never brought into my life in the first place.
[& my oh-i'm-rich-&-i-think-im-so-classy neighbour just bloody sprayed the entire corridor outside with her all-mighty replellent. & I CAN SMELL THE POISON x.x ]
*
& q has been accumulating merit points for
shit-est bf of the year this past couple of days
coach alr won [omg i typed 'woned' at first. wakakas. CXXX ! her brilliant influence]
shit-est ****h award,
handsdown -
*
im having a MEGGGAAAA HEADACHE trying to do xmas shopping )))))):
lyk literally,
ive just been this lethargic little fish this couple of days
out of water
YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TRYING TO BREATHE OUT OF WATER ?
omg, and the more i think of how i want to move out [& buy my own fishbowl]
the more ridiculous it seems to become
not because of the fact thaat i probably wont have enough money
but lyk, im so tied down to all my obligations my family
thaat im never going to be allowed a free rein over my life
& i feeel so trapped inside this mental cell of mine thaat
any means of escape
the tunnel you dig with a spoon
is collapsing on me
& sometimes i feel it in my bones
that while i would climb out of thaat tunnel
before i reach the end
god will play a diabolical joke on me
and the whole tunnel will just collapse on
me
& i shall die of suffocation.
[thaat was stream of consiousness,well its really all in my head , so dont worry]
on the other hand, im going out with the dwarfs tomo:D
& christmas is coming
& whaat horrible thing could possibly happen right(: ?

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: deep down we all have dark sides
pps: i just had a moment thinking .. how nice it would be to have a 2nd chance at life

CHRISTMAS LIST

2009-12-19T21:53:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS LIST :DDDD

1] sports bra
2] the gift-a-name plus sized Goofy plush toy
3] necklace
4] a-gogo bag
5] whaat money cant buy,
a little thing called
-love

wcd
sam

2009-12-08T01:32:00.000-08:00

' We get so caught up in all of it
Business and relationships, 100 mile an hour lives
And it's this time of year and everybody's here
It seems the last thing on your mind '
- Christmas is something more, taylor swift

she's probably the only TRUE artist in our era.
*
AAAAAHHHHCHOOOO X5
oh man, here comes another. AHHHHCHOOOOOO.
[heh, q misses me <3 AHHHHHCHOOOOO ]
well, im starting work tomo. IM EXXXXCITED !
wakakaks, deciding whaat to wear tomo
just watched couple retreat
was pretty cool :D
wakakas, well, it still a lameass american romcom
but still, it still isnt easy for a director to subtly
carry the msg across, no ? well either that or im naive.
ANYWAYYYYY
yea, q's been away. wouldnt say im dying
im excited for him ! wakakakkas, well, i hope he's having a blast
& i want to hear whaat happened there
and all the excitment and stuff
awwww, i love him so much (:
truth be told, hmmm. well. nothing
wakkakas, truth be told i love him very very much<333333
altho life is kinda spaced out right now since he's been away
and we havent spent any time together, but it feels alright(;
beats us being both around but not really goin out.
*
HEH, i miss yz toooooooo !
thaaat girl is soaking up some serious sun and having a BLAST
omg, i am so envious of her being so near a beautiful BEACH
I WANT TO GO TO THE BEEEEAACCHHH & SOAK IN THE SUUUUUN
& do so much more
wakakas
well, im not write a looooooong paragraph bout how i miss yz
cuz that'd be kinda gay ?
yea. heheh
so anyway.

WILDchidlDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: AAAHHHHHCHOOO !

DAY 1

2009-12-05T05:31:00.000-08:00

my baby has finally gone to china ))))))))))))): saddened
so today marks DAY 1 . or should it be tomo ?
wakakkas, errrr. sama sama lah hor
so anyway TOUCH CAMP
was fun fun ~
there were classic moments you could only find in our team
wakakkas, and well really, our team is truly
ONE OF A KIND :D
in spite of it all, i still love them (:
*
ohkay, err. yea. so hubbs went
i gave him an envelope of stuff:D
always, well, the unbearable i-miss-him-so-much feeling hasnt
kicked in in full swing yet, so im actually still pretty alright C:
truth be told
IM EXCITED FOR HIM ! wakakkakas. considering that i don get to
go overseas this year
<333 AND HE GETS TO TRY PEKING DUCK. walaoooooooo ~
unfairness. wakakaks
*

WCD
SAM

midnight

2009-12-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANNNNNNNZHENNNNNN ! wakakkas
fellow dwarf's finally SEVENTEEN.
after all the crap we've been through:D
*
skipped training today
but i don't feel the slightest guilt.
maybe it'll come come thursday, but ohwell
whatever- lol
ITS THE HOOOOOOLIDAY
im wanna do what i want when i want to
that way, i wont itch to do distracting things
when i should be mugging for As
omg, its all too soon o.-
just last year was Os. and now its As
0.--------------------------
SO ANYWAY,
FINALLY HEARD Q<3 [omg, this really nice old song's playing on the radio. BUT I CANT RMB THE NAME. drats. by simple plan]
voice, loveyouloveyouloveyou<3
i figure since now's a busy period
we're not going to spend alot of time tgt
and ..strangely i feel ohkay with that
im not as needy . which is a good thing, needless to say.
but i wouldnt deny that there's a spark missng somewhere
i wouldnt be overly worried bout it tho
its been dimming for ages,
& thats just part of being in love during the ~~turbulent~~teenage life
(:
*
HMMMMMMMMMMMM, whats new ?
well, the holiday in msia was pretty awesome:D
for one, mum was in a perpetual good mood
so was korkor, so had fun(:
even tho we never made it to peneng, i think its just my destiny to never go there
and this year, true to their trueselves, the folks made a promise to 'go H.K NEXT YEAR OHKAY, WE SAVE MONEY THIS YEAR' yada yada. & true to myself, i got all pissed and angsty, but what the hell, it blew over almost in a sec. cuz i changed my tots channel to q. heh
BOUGHT THE DWARFS SOME CUTE STUFF:D
mind,it isnt much, cuz there really isnt much souvenir to buy in KL
planning to get my parents rings for xmas
problem is, i havent got a CLUE what their ring size is =/
HOW ?
*
& a thousand thoughts must have crossed my mind these past couple of days
but i didnt take the time to write it down =/ [alliteration]
well, cept for the song lyrics in my head, and in my imagination i would have
totally got a song written out if i could play the chords on my rotting guitar. wakakaks
OHWELLL
HMm, well yea a thousand thoughts.
*
oh & btw,
i cut my hair(:

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: the ramblings of a child

shock

2009-11-23T05:55:00.000-08:00

just back from fb
there used to be this chubbier-than-me girl with buck teeth and a mouth that didnt shut up
NOW GUESS WHAT -SHES A MODEL
wakakakkakakkas, omg, well, im in shock
cuz firstly i have NO idea how she shed off ALL the baby fat.
but ohwell, GOOD FOR YOU GIRL:D
wakakakkakakas, im still finding it hilarious
*
you know i think i'll grow up to be one of those
soccer mums . wakakakas
*
ohkay well
i was walking down the escalator today
...
you know how you always get one of those zone out moments
when you take out the mrt ?
like you're living in your bubble
wellyea,
so i had one of em,
was walking down the escalator, then i nearly went to far forward
and everything went blur-
but i managed to bring my foot back in time to hit ground
or i would have sent myself tumbling down
UGLY, the escalator hurts, to the max
):
yea well, so huang hu jian, i came to realize
its kinda like life now.
we're all in such a rush, in our own world,
some eventually become impossibly self-centered
that we overlook, leading to our downfall
if you're lucky, [like sam] you can still retrace your steps
and pick up from there.
wakakaks, isnt it so melodramatic, ohwell
im like thaat
(:*
*
i felt super sore bout rug, shant talk bout it
it'll just make the bitterness surge again
so much so that it overwhelms the sweetness=/
*
SO ANYWAY, had a flu jab today
was suppose to go with q
but the place had too many ppl
and i tot it looked kinda dodgy, wakakakas [sorry baby ! hee]
so wounded up goin to raffles afterall with zhen
[q had bridging, mybaby with other babies ! awwww, wakakakas]
heh
EERR, yea:D
yea, den went to settle couple of groceries with zhen
bought NEW SHOES, those cheapo draw-on-me shoes:D
cuz otherwise i havent got anything to match my clothes, yea,heh
den watched ETERNAL SUNSHINE IN A SPOTLESS MIND
it was awesome, jim carry show, wakakas
it got us all shouting and yelling
and zhen let out that 'awwwwww' sigh which half creeped me out
wakakakas
*
OH, and i so caught hubbs on a i'm-so-not-listening-to-you moment
HA !
ass.
*
i have a pile of underwear [not even mine] beside me to be folded
but i really cant be botheredd
*
HAD CLASS OUTING:D
got a tad pissy, but ohwell, i din't keep it to myself
so it was aaaaalright(:
but otherwise it was AWESOME:DDDD heh. real fun
SUPER FUN
wakakas
& i ripped luomin's button ! wakakkakas. OOOOPS !
*
sooo ~ im leavin on wed's morn
back on sun's morn
which isnt very long
BUT I'M GONNA MISS MY HUBBY ):
AND THE DWARFS ! [YZ LEAVING ON THE 26TH]
& MARIAH AND NIK AND THE POWER RANGERS
AND MC N SHI THE RUG PPL
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW):

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: <3

schooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

2009-11-18T20:40:00.000-08:00

q's beside me now,
not sure if he's looking,
but ANYWAAAAAAAAY,
he's been pretty much a grump today
huahuas~
fallin in soon
*
not much today, cept that
its pretty hectice o.-
& its kinda scary how we have to start studying again
and doing all the work again
*
STILL CANT FIND A DAY TO CELEBRATE YZ'S BIRTHDAY.damnit
gonna have rug later =/

WCD
SAM

ps: my baby<3

depth

2009-11-16T06:56:00.000-08:00

today has been one of those complicating days
& its just getting more entangled
*
[class]
sometimes im too harsh
but then again, if you had reasonable reasons
or if you at least had the guts to tell me
sheepishly your rubbish reasons
i wouldnt have minded
i would have appreciated the honesty
*
and ive finally told q some stuff
that ive been thinking about for ages
& instead of being an egomaniac [lyk most boys, or sometimes himself too]
he listened, reasoned and understood,
and this adds to the long list of reasons of why i love him:D
wakakas,
it'd be annoying to be dating the polar-end of egomaniacs too. (:
i want to stop nagging to be honest,
sometimes i think its unfair how
i don let myself be that irresponsible
girlfriend, who couldnt care less ah
then i'd save alot of saliva.
Then again, it wouldnt feel right if i didnt nag
heh
but anyways, lovin' ma boy~ XOXO
wakakkas, lucky only close friends read this blog ah
oh and went parktor-ing with q today
it was a lovely break from school(:
heeeh, and i just might learn how to whack like Soo-Ji
but meantime, my hubby is really getting better
or at least i like to think so
and then again, it really is too early to tell(:
and like he said
'see first ah, if we last the week * grins* '
wakakas,
somewhere beneath that shallow exterior of his
is a deep valley of thought and love <3
*
today was release of results
like the teacher said, some dint deserved to promote
but did anyway
life isnt fair, it never is, but it all depends on
your own will to make things right again.
on the other hand, if you were one of those lucky few
who got past life's unfairness and dint get what you
actually deserved,
you should feel relieved, ashamed, and an even stronger will
to work harder to prove your place
to yourself.
i think we all want to become a better person
but for some reason
people usually get lost on the way there
and sometimes i just dont understand why-
*
so anyway, feeling a little unnecessarily 'deep' today ah
too much maturity for one day
wakakkas, it kinda annoys me..
so anyway yea,
sometimes i think only being with the old
yt ppl can i get the same lvl of thoughts
not saying that the ny ppl are shallow
they aren't
cept that the jc curriculum is so crazy that
you dont really get the luxury to talk
bout stuff like that.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: DWARF MEETING !

TODAY

2009-11-15T01:49:00.000-08:00

today was soooooooooooo
dreary
its raining now
those gentle quiet rain sort
& q IS BOTAK NOW, wakakkas
well, i havent seen him yet.
so shant blog bout it yet..
*
decided to clean up my room
made my mobile studio into a
errm.
well, i just add couple of mini shelves and stuff like
that to hold my accessories :D
and threw away quite alot of my old accessories too
& then lost a recently bought pendent along the way=/
shall search for it later
hm, its still gonna BUSY BUSY WEEK
zzz, havent really got to slack-ed off
but its ohkay, i don wanna lose my momentum
found it back for the promos
but now i can feel myself losing touch with math and econs again
THE HORROR
*
been reading tues with morrie
well, its definitely insightful,
but not in a self-realization kind of way
the author pretty much wrote it out quite
blatantly,
but its still a nice book nonetheless
and i think the most thought-provoking question..
for a teenagers aywy
'Am i the person i want to be ?
Am i doing what i want to do to be the person i want to be?'
cuz honestly, i think its rather true that most of us are just
withering away in school
shedding away all the layers of imagination
we use to have
that in the real world,
is really all we need to be successful.
Then again, its singapore

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: FUUUUUULLSTOP-
pps: XOXO to all the people i care and love C:

first & last

2009-11-14T19:13:00.000-08:00

Now isnt the right timing,
not the timing
my emotions would surge
to give me inspiration to write anyway
[its 11 in the morn]
but anyway.
*
while the bitter & broken
or cynics & skeptics
might throw their heads back and laugh
i know that deep beneath it all
iloveyou&youloveme <3

GOOD MORNING HUBBBBBBY :D
MUAAAAAAAK !

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

PS: wakakaks, well, that's a first on my blog(:

10days

2009-11-14T04:06:00.000-08:00

''people have the freedom to love. to choose who we give our hearts to. but what's the use of this freedom if the person you love also has the freedom to love somebody else?''
ain't it sad ?
& sometimes the people who deserved ever more to be loved
just won't get God's blessing.
*
lol, well ohkay havent blogged for ten days
should do abit of reflection now.
q & I are talking now,
& some of the love-perks are back
but i can tell you for sure
from now on
your words only mean so much.
I've seen too many dumb girls get their hearts broken
over some jerks
and I've told them to just get over it
cuz it just ain't worth it.
& i should be taking my own advice
if all you've got in store for me
are words
more words
& more plain old words
i'm sorry, but words don't cut it in a relationship.
.
If you truly whole-heartedly loved someone
all the wonderful things you see couples do for each other in movies
will come naturally.
Otherwise, its just all a waste of time
.
Went for Asian all touch today
sucked to the core
lol,
i bought the Asian touch jersey tho
memento :D
ive nvr been much of a sports person
but at least I HAVE EVIDENCE
like my violin, organ, guitar, tutu , taekwondo Gee
for ppl like shi & MC who refuse to believe me ):
wakakkas
.
ohwell, it was HORRIBLE.
hmm, well maybe NOT THAAAAAT bad
but ohwell,
it sucks to lose
just imagine fighting with your bro/sis for the remote
and he got to it first.
same feeling
*
OP was a letdown
but im over it.
*
Sch's gonna start soon.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssian
*
NEED TO START CHRISTMAS SHOPPING SOON

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: I love you,
but at the same time
you don't actually need a relationship to love somebody

pps: i didnt hold back to allowing a 'we'
just to go through the same shit all over again.

ppps: you know how all girls have this 'i-want-to-change-this-boy's-lousy-attitude' syndrome ?
yea. one day, we all grow out of it. THANK GOD

yuleball

2009-11-03T04:57:00.000-08:00

was on the way home
had harrypotter&theglobletoffire with me
my company home
.
was reading, ..
and then it came to
'THE YULE BALL' chapter
.
then i stopped, and stared at the words
looked up,
had my mind fizzle black and white
and then shut the book tight
and closed my eyes.
.
as i tried to fight the bitterness surging
through my body
.
love is an irony

WCD
SAM

ps: thank you dwarfs<3333
words alone are not enough to express gratitude.
but love u guys lots <3333

700th post

2009-10-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

the rain is the volume of my tears
the thunder, the cry of my soul
& the lightning
cracked my heart-

wcd
sam

ps: ...

.

2009-10-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

wcd
sam

2009-10-28T04:36:00.000-07:00

lol, you know its kinda funny how
im always ranting and throwing tantrums
and have too much goin in my head
and wanting to yell at my mum
and in the end, its only my hubby can 'tame' me
i think i drive him up the wall, &vice versa
i love him for all the unconventional reasons,
and i guess thats what makes it love
when nobody else gets it ,
cept for the two.
'Tu amor vale más que
millones de estrellas.'
.
OI PEOPLE !
BUY EM BEARS !
PLEEEEEAAASEEEEE:D ?

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : love the dwarfs just as much(:

ltc

2009-10-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

im missing on the possibly one of those other GREATEST CAMP OF MY LIFE
to date, the greatest was NCO camp & the one we went as AIs
those were A.W.E.S.O.M.E
and now here comes along LTC
im so not into the leadership crap anymre,
but i wanna go, cuz of the process..
and i cant ):
my mum AND SOMEBODY ELSE is disapproving of it
and well..
i asked my mum for more freedom in exchange
like a 12 curfew
its not like im gonna start crawling home naked midnight
AND SHE GAVE ME A FLAT NO.
bloody hell, im fighting for my rights
im so sick of the way my fam works i hate it .I HATE IT
I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT
I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ITTTTTTTTTTT
& then the person you expect the most comfort from comes and gives you crap
.
you know whaat, im saying it so often im actually believing it
i really do want/cant wait to move out
& once im out, im probably never coming back
its not that i don't love my family
if anything, i love their quirkiness mre than anything [ohkay, that was an overstatement]
but point is, i do love my family
you know ? its like you're bounded to them
no matter how much you hate your family, that invisible line is ever so visible and you can feel it
you cant cut it off
but if the mayan calendar were true,
or even then, as ive always said, carpe diem
im am sooooo gonna live my life
and im gonna start small, but i'll get there
i am so sick of N.A.T.O. and it kinda scares me to be honest
cuz if i become that independent person out of sheer tenacity
i am going to end up shutting myself from the rest of the world
cuz independent means i dont need a cushion when i fall
independent means i wont be needing that comforting hug or those sweet lil things that ppl do for you in life to make it all worth it.
& that is just where i might wind up at if ppl around me keep pushing me to be
...
so anyway, pw has been hell
i wouldnt say im very proud of my work
but at least im super proud of my group :D
we have been the best teammates you could possibly get under jc circumstances (:
& i think they R.U.L.E. wakakaks..
.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : sometimes i just want to chop you up and toss you into the bin
but you better thank god i love you too much to do thaat, and that i very much prefer you
in one piece. muak

pps: as ain put's it, sam is a 'violent weirdo' and i know the aggressiveness can come off as scary sometimes, but i really just am a small girl with big dreams (:
ppps: if i have thaat cryptic smile on my face, im threading on the fishline that might just break and let forth the emo-ness that is such a huge part of me
pppps: oh and i did good at promos, well, not FANTASTIC ! GOOD , i fell short of my goals, but i improved nonetheless, but i hardly feel any joy, its not thaat much of a mystery why, but anyway..
*i just let out a sigh so heavy it could have crushed you* to be honest, im still coming to terms with my life. im not one of those girls who can just lay back in life and live the way they want and go to parties and drink and have an occasional fling. well, maybe i could, but there are reasons why im not. & on rainy days, the reasons just become so bloody obsure. and the tempatations just grow everyday.
if you dont get whaat im saying, its ohkay, cuz nobody usually does.

cramp day

2009-10-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

ytd was em0oo day, pretty evidently. heh
today is cramp day )):
ohwell, ' mz says hiiiii :D ' < interruption
heh, aywy.. yep . i realize
i really still do love my hubby very much
just that sometimes, the truth is very obsured
hmm, well, wtv it is, or it was.
carpe diem, right(: ?

WCD
SAM

ps : CRAMP ))))))))))))):

what i thought

2009-10-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

i think alot, period.
i know i do
and sometimes i overthink
but this time, i don't think i did
cuz ive thought about for..
at least a couple of months now.
actually, since we started
and i think its time we sort it out
well, no
its time I sort it out
.
just watched 500daysofsummer
which was a hmm.. well typical brit movie
no climax. just showing you life everyday
but it was .. well, i kinda liked it
(: & i watched it alone in my room
which was ohkay, cuz that's pretty much how it
had always been, a year ago.
.
maybe its been throbbing all this while
maybe ive been crying all this while
maybe ive been cringing all this while
maybe because i was waiting for me to do it
but i couldn't, so how ?
.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha.

ps: &deepinsideistillknowsomewheredownthereiloveyou

hm.

2009-10-17T02:32:00.000-07:00

im only daring to blog now cuz like
im in front of the tv, so deres like a reflection
so if my parents are kpoh-ing i can SEE O.O
wakakaks,
yea,aywy, wanted to blog since ages
but yea, just havent been. heh
AND OMG, THE WEATHER IS CRAZY
IRRITATING CRAZY
LIKE URRRRRRGH AHHHHH KIND
SO AYWY
yea i was having a all time low today
during training
like i almost literally HATE ..nah wakaks
thats exaggerating
but aywy, had training today
after all the studying
and i just felt crappy
actually, i feel crappy bout EVERYTHING
i literally suck in my CCA, i think im the slowest at the moment
studies aint all great, nth like how it used to be
i don have any extra co-curriculars
like dancing or wtv
just at home all the time
god noes doing what
like today isnt much different from ytd
except for the occasional dates with q and clan
otherwise, it just feels real crappy and real meaningless
and i donno what to do=/
i don have a drive to live my life
like you know the kind of shit you watch about living your life to the fullest ?
i have no dang idea what im doing with my life right now
not much at least
im just stucked in a sea of envy and inferiority
wakaks, thats a new phrase coined by me
and ELL exam was just shit man
S.H.I.T.
i totally messed it up)):
oh god, and training was just horrible,
H.O.R.R.I.B.LE.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps ; sam lost her soul

pps : at least thru it all i have my hubby and my dwarfs<333
ppps; i really do love you too :D

econolit

2009-10-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

having a miiiiiind block ;/
bad time to have one, horrible time
ohwell, but anyway
went online to check if joshua uploaded the charac analysis
AND HE HASSSNTTT. grahh
annnoying ~
wakaas, but he's real nice, so mr ng's forgiven(:
*
alot of pessimism goin on in my head.
sooooooo, i donno, maybe i should take a bath again
i alr did in the morn,
but so mafan ;/
ohwell, im goin back to lit after this
then econs again
*
* looks around her...
mum on the com
bro studying
radio blasting..
*
i dont know how cx did it
but i guess it did do her good in the end
whatever today happens might not matter tomorrow

WCD
SAM

ps : stilllovingthesightofyoursmile

pps : raya cookies almost finished :D CLD DO WITH REPLENISHING

chocolates

2009-10-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

i like chocolates
always have
but after sometime
too much of it becomes bitter
or the sweet taste just suddenly becomes revolting
don't you think ?
**
i've watched too many heartbreaks
too many hookups
and i should know better
when and where
what and what not to do
* my bro just off the room light, made the atmosphere a whole lot more appropriate lol
but so far, ive only come to
recognize what it feels like
for your chocolate to turn bitter
*
&& in the end, all you've been looking for
was something simple

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: i ought to love myself more

huihui

2009-09-28T23:45:00.000-07:00

''hi everyone!
today i've changed my name to SALT!
i love him very much but i just don't dare to show it or express it.
my love for him stretches from the bottom of the sea to the sky.
-SAM''

omg. gracious bao just invaded my blog.
if you know me well enough, you'll know that
i wouldnt say 'love stretches from the bottom of the sea to the sky'
love streches over the seaa to the horizon.
IMMMPOSTERRRR ! and bao forgot to put wcd in
***
ANYWAY, before i got invaded
was gonna talk bout how bao has
CHEENANIZED ME
sheeeees a cheenanizer cheenanizer
oh cheenanizer ~~~

OMG SHES TALK TO ME IN CHINESES NOW
and she waaanted to print her 'THHING' ...
‘eehh, 你不要用英问博克来反抗我 ahhh’
EVVVVILL ~
annnnd hubbs dint come to sch ):
missssed him ~

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : huihui.peipei.baobao.meimei. EEEEEEEEEEE, gay persona
pps : TOMO GOIN TO AIIIN'S HSEEEEEE:DDDDD

carpe diem

2009-09-28T05:41:00.000-07:00

omg, the hod's voice's RINGING in the background
grahh, you know what
the biggest lesson ive learnt from having to watch
11hrs worth of lectures [i have another 3 mre to go actually]
is that i should really pay attention in lecture=/ cuz its
so much easier that way
and math isnt really thaat hard
im just lazy
heh
ooh and promos is like next week
erm.
next week..
yup(:
you know what ?
people talk about the two kind of girls there is
the kind you marry
and the kind you date
yea, im obviously the kind you marry
but you know what ?
i should really try to act my age
once promos is over -
i don recall the last time i really made an effort to dress =/

WCD
SAM

ps : & my love with you is all about carpe diem<333
pps: my hubby gives the best massagees:DD

ppps: 'when you make someone your priority, you become a choice'
i like that quote(: i think its funny how the truth is just so blatant sometimes,

omg.

2009-09-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

omg. i only just finished binomial
havent don much oh man oh man oh man ))))))):
sld have started like a century ago
oh man oh man ))):
meeting q worked like an instant pick me up:DD
heeee ~

WCD
SAM

ps : off to study more vectors !

mmm

2009-09-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

did my ell..mm. well not all of it.
i cant concentrate thaat long
shall have to face math soon
.
was looking thru my old emails
i deleted quite a lot from ages ago
kinda rueful now
wakakas, sld have kept em
so that i can read thru and laugh..
i still have chris's tho.
wakakas, i cant believe i talked so stupidly
then again, i guess cuz of that
i wasnt depressed after the breakup
'emo-ed' for the sake of it the next day back at sch
for like what ? barely an hr ?
then i was back again :D wakakakas
and i can rmb yz pointing at me and asking ain what was wrong
like i cant see. wahahas
its a funny thing,
what love is.
or what different people define it to be.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : if love could function on just three words,
we wouldnt have so many celebrity break-ups now would we(:

robots

2009-09-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

robots was on chnnl 5 today
carrtoony, happyy show. oh wait. before i begin
SELAMAT HARI RAYA YA'ALL :DDDDD !
OMG, all the food and cookies. :PPPPPP
ohkay, back to what i was saying(:
yea,, watched robots on chnnl 5
well, part of it. and it was enough to make me cry,
wakakaks, aww, but it was really ever so heart warming !
i tot it was crappy, at first, well, it still pretty much is
even my bro agreed.
but the happy ending plot always works for me:D
and it was so nice to see the robot dad believe in him
so much, awww, and .. hmm, it was so nice to even have a dad.
im not complaining, loads of people are worse of, but still
it would have been to nice to have a dad who cld piggyback you
arnd the hse again, oooh, and there goes one drop ..hai.. its the pms
i alwys get touchy when i get my pms. ohwell,(: movin on ~
.
yeaa. today wasnt so bad, watched friends for a good hr and a half(:
its hilarious i swear, waakakakas. i get it way better than himym aywy ~
huahaus, and its by far, the only clear common liking i have with my mum, when i find another
i shall list it down .
otherwise it was kinda crappy, seeing that q dint want to talk to me
and that i had to do math, which i force fed myself to not much avail.
it was torture. i had to stop before i choked and die. lol.
.
oh and i saw this on yahoo news. wakaks. its actually kinda useful u noe. sld read
it from time to time(:
www.wretch.cc/blog/angelduck777/24982946
and omg, ohkay, this taiwanese woman, music major in France, Paris
OMG, wakakas, ohkay, nvm, YOUU shalll go to that blog on ur own
and SEE. scroll down and look for a picture on the right side of the page and CLICK!
it'll make youu droooool~~, well, if u're a girl at least. c:
.
gonna start on ell at twelve.
went to cx's and ain's blog.
saw the vid. awww. the lil boy was so cute. wakakas
and you know what,
when i have kids, they're all gonna be talented !
send them for music classes and what not :DD
so that when they turn fifteen, they wldnt be so filled with insecurities(:
they have sth to assure themselves
that theres at least one thing they can do.
.
unlike moi, who still pretty much feels stucked in a suckfest
studying for her promos, oh but wat the heck, the biggest highlight
was that i finally understood ELASTICITY ! . wakakaks, i shall deal with math tomo
unfortunately im still living in denial about vectors :// im gonna be in such deep shit
.
ooh and got a hair cut, not much of a diff
but my head feels loads lighter now
and i like it better when i tie up my hair :D
hmm, ohwell, whats new ?
oh i have a uk trip next year. WHOOOO:DDD
but i have i to work for the money ):
1k, where on earth am i goin to get that kind of money=/
you know how sometimes i get bratty
and wonder why life is so unfair
like how to some people 2k is a piece a cake
to me its more than my fam's monthly wage.
but life cld be alot worse
like i wldnt be chubby cuz of starvation
or like hw i wldnt even be bloggin cuz i wldnt be owning a laptop
yeaaaaaaaap(:
i sld be grateful and appreciate more in my life.

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps: pw formed the netherworld.
now maths is my perpetual nightmare.
urrgh.

pps: im having weird dreams lately,
like hw im on this mission to save the world
wakakas
its daaaaaaaamn thrilling. but scary too
cuz everyone else is alwys there cept for q.

panic

2009-09-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

FINALLY FINISHED EDITING THE WR
[well nt excatly, left with two parts. but wat the heck]
still living in partial denail ):
havent started on maths and vectors. AND OMG LAAH
SCRREEEEEEEEEEEWED !
grah.
omg promos coming. damn scared
omgomgoomogomg
mustpromotemustpromotemustpromote !
.
i am quite on the verge of sth.
i dont know what yet
but i shall figure it out soon.

wcd
sam

ps: HAPPY BDAY ABANG :DDD
pps: my motivation shall be a guiltless date after promos as promised by q<333

OOOH MY GAWWWD

2009-09-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

ahhh, today was the earliest day ever.
[well, not really, but ohwell :DD]
so ended early, then met up with yz C: wakakas
went to starbucks
study study
den rahimi came and twist her head,
i dont know why, but ya. wakakas
den jarratt came and was being a total ass
about everything.
wakakakas, FACE IT JARRATT, YOU'RE MEAN !
.yeaaa
den met ruohan. wakaks.
whoooo i actually totally dint see at all, was distracted by sth else.
don noe what, but yea. waakakas
quite sad ah ruohan :D , invisible to my eyes o.o
huahuas, but yea, so
GENERALLY IT WAS A HAPPY DAY TODAY :D
hmmm, ohwell, of cuz it was, got to spend time with
the naggy one<333 heheh (:
*
past couple of days
were real awesome too:DDD
wakakas, well, i don really noe why im in this
perpetual good mood
but im not complaining:D
cuz it keeps q happy too<333
speakin of him, his calling :DDDDD
heh, but i cant pick up )))):
fam's WIDEEEE AWAKE 0.0
oh but whr was i ?
oh yea, wakakas
yuppp, like.hmmm.
its a new feeling, a good nice new feeling(:
like you know one entire year, one entire cycle of the relationship drama
it starts again ?
yea, like friends again(:
but liek attached friends..
hmm, like .. well. i cant really put a word to it
since its new. waakkakas
when i do i'll come right back here(:
iloveyousomuchtoo<333
den got back home
been doin pw,
im seriously dubious bout my pw
like, i don have that twang that it'll be an 'A'
MMM): and wr dateline is soon. shucks
*
you know what
it just occured to me
that i need to take off my clothes
and go for a swim !
[well, with a bathin suit of cuz.
wakakakas.]

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps:
im a hug kind of person c:

HUNGRY

2009-09-12T02:06:00.001-07:00

UUUURGH, im daaaaaamn hungry

wcd
sam

ps: qmia):

maturity

2009-09-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

it really got to me a couple of weeks back
but i aint really 'fraid of showin it
its prolly whaat most people think but cant
express anyway.
you know the cliched story of how
two girls were born same year same day. blablab. same second .
same father.different mather..wakakaks. sorry veering off
ANYWAY , yea like twitches and stuff
but yea, errr. what was i saying ?.....
OH , yea, but they end up having vastly different lives ?
well, its kinda true dont you think ?
especially for our generation
the era when if u could sing or dance, or sing AND dance, is a
mega plus and a total boost to ur status quo
like, u don even need brains from then on
just sing and dance just becus u can.
nvm if u really love it, just do it cuz u'll be soaking in the
fame after that.
yea, and while one in a thousand gets to be the lucky star
both metaphorically and literally
the rest will just fall into the 'i wish-ed' catergory
or the 'someone else is living my dream' [while im stuck in PW hell]
then, theres the arguement that, if it were really ur dream
why dint u go all the way ?
is that true ?
if u went all the way, wld u have really made it ?
just because u dint make it ur 'life's calling' ?
then again, being set against our society as a background
whr fashion doesnt stand out cuz its unique but becus its
like every one else.
first it was the miniskirts and the knee socks
then it was the tights
then the cardigans
then the scarves
then the v-tops and off shoulders
then the vintage
with the high skirts
and retro with the funky colurs and polka dots
mm, the fashion pretty much speaks for the entire singaporean social
culture i thnk.
...
ive just entirely lost track of what i wanted to blog about.ahhaas.
but ohwell,

how bad can life really be when i have my family, friends and boyfriend to
shower me with love everyday(:

WILDchildDREAMER

ps : and at least i have one part of my dream come true eh ?
it might have happened a little too early too abrupt,but hey,
at least i met my prince ~~annoying~~charming(:

pps: i need a hair cut
ppps: when u spend most of ur life bitching, dont expect yourself to still have buddies around 40(:

hypocrisy

2009-09-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

ive shown the most profound side of hypocrisy i have today
my life is over.
wakakakas
*
and i just sleeeeept my day away today=/
mm, so i gotta stay up to do my work
and theres rug tomo. grrrr
oh and i came across this during ell research
Oscar Wilde: “ We should treat all the trivial things of life seriously and all the serious things of life with sincere and studied triviality.”
nice, eh ?
wakakas, im still a sucker for nice quotes ah
[well, not the only one fortunately]
so aywy yea, was researchin ell stuff
came across vids on youtube RELATED TO ELL !
and i was like. YAAAAYYYEE ! SO FUN
wakakkas, im a geek, what to do,
stucked in jc now, have all the liscence in the world to
have no life now
im so not screwing up my promos, NO. CANNOT
so oh err ya, I WANT TO SHOW THE REST OF THE CLASS THE VIDS !
heh, but ohwell, yea, i lost all the adds=/
&& gotta go back to econs now, i reckon econs prolly'll have
vids too. maybe i'll search ltr,
AND MY MATHS
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
MY MAAATHS
studystudystudystudystudy

WCD
SAM

ps: EVERYONE ! STAYY STRONG YA'ALL
couple of friends been feelin down
seem to be needing lotsa support
mm, the best sort u can get is the sort from yourself
if you yourself cant conquer what daunts you
what makes you think other's ppl comfort will(:
sounds kinda harsh eh ? but ohwell, it just came to my mind that
way,
just hang in there ya'all
after promos, all will be fine:D

pps : hubby; i want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want love you much<333> want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want, hee ~ <333

school

2009-09-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

havent been bloggin for a week. heh
been caught up in studying and rug and tchers day and all that whoo haa.
heh, ohwells
OH BUT WE FINALLY GOT OUR RINGS :DDD
q doesnt wear it=/
it'd kinda gay, but ohwell, still kinda sad
its bought and kept to collect dust
but aywy the ring is georgous :D
wakakakas, well, of cuz it is , looks whos wearing them:D
.
* researchin on spore's stand on cloning*
errrr. yaa
.
went to sch with yz today(:, girrl needed some samcomfort
heheh, yeaa. was ravin bout singapore idol. for obvious reasons if you dont alr know
but AYWY, oh ya, that reminds me
.
'eh, she pretty right ?'
'ya, quite, she what, mix ah ?'
'ya ! indian and german'
'she quite pretty, and hot and quite pretty'
'...'
then the conversation went on about how i look like his grandma
cept that it was really monolouge
i dint say much
.
yeaa, so went to sch with yz
:DDDits always awesome to have someone with
the same wit-humor level as you :Dheheh
.
yeaa and waaaa, was DAAAAAAAMN tired today [talkin like mz]
donno why
slept thru half of econs
and almost all of math
the lecturer's nice, but mm, she crackles like a witch
and once again today she was callin out to me -.-
'hello there, the two girls comparing complexion
can you copy first. don compare'
the last time she announced to the whole lecture i was fallin off my chair in my sleep
the last time she called me sleepin beauty
the last time she told me not to lean on meizhen's shoulder
wakakakas, annnnnoying womaan.
.
maan, i really amm tired
blarrgh
HAPPY BIRDAY BAOO:D
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUOMIN :D
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUNLING :D
their bdays were all one after another, hoho
wld have bought a cake but ohwells
i tot it better to get em for EVERYONE next year
next year we're EIIIIGGGHTTEEN
legalised kids:D
.
ohmy, i havent go any inspiration to blog ah today
aywys , caught up with lots of ppl on tchers day:D
DWARFS&788&BAA&RH<3333 WHOO !
i see q everrryday, wakakakas,
not complaining, three days without him always feels like a month
HEH:D
.
so anyhoos ~
yea, ELL gonna start soon, OH ! sld blog bout nus trip ahh ~
ohwell, too lazy to yea
LOVES YA'ALL
four mre weeks to promo,STUDY STUDY STUDYYYYYY

WCD
SAM

ps: i love you <333

facial

2009-08-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

wth, i just spent one bloody hr printing my crap=/
irrrritating,
ohwells, but at least this time i managed to print double sided
correctly :DD
i can join mz in being a photocopy shop aunty soon:D
*
woke up this morn round 8, mm
had to go for facial
wakakas, left a 100 deposit there for ages
and so they finally called me to make me
rid of it
gave me some 90 buck facial and made me buy 50 bucks
worth of cleanser. mm
well, of cuz the facial felt awesome.wakakas
with all the cooling liquid stuff
it just kept coming layers after layers.
my face felt like a cake. huahuas
and there was the massage. WAA, i think thats why i
agreed to go, despite being well aware
of the pain i wld have to go thru
from all the poking
heh, yea well, the massage was FAB:DD wakakas
oh but the poking was hell,
the lady was nice, and i appreciate it
but she was literally poking my ENTIRE FACE.ohgod
quite sadly, the stubborn blackheads cant be removed):
gotta wash em out, hmm, or maybe i just got tricked
into buying the super exp cleanser ah, rubbish laa
but aywy, yea, :D wakaks, shucks
i was planning a blog entry on this during the pain
to distract myself. cant rmb now...
ohwell.. so yea.. IT HURT
like hell, during the poking. and there was one part
her hand was pressing my eye as well
but she dint noe, so i was momentarily blinded as
my eye got bruised=/
all this, while my mum enjoyed shopping and
discovered the wonders of daiso . wakakas
she too got conered by some lady who wanted to
sell her a hundred bucks worth of stuff to make her nails look shiny
wth.
i tell you, if only i had this statuesque physic, physque ? wtv, u get the point
TALLL
i wld ... no wait, that'd be mean
all the same, why would i want a hundred bucks worth of nail polish for ?
wth.
wakakas,
OH AND I FORGOT THE HIGHLIGHT
THE WOMAN SHAVED MY EYEBROWS.WALAO
BLOOODY PLUCKED, SHAVED , PLUCKED SUMMRE AND SHAVED
TIL I FELT LIKE THERES NTH LEFT. WTH
but there is lah, thank god.wakakakas, its just thinner and mre shapy .
hm.
*
ohwell, had a nice time with mummy today(:
one of the rarest moment in my life, lol
ohwell, then ate at ashtons, the waiter just took
the menu off my mum's table w/o asking and
she too just stared blankly.wkakkas mild shock
i just laughed, so retarded lah, and yeawell , was privately thinking
how fortunate for the man we werent those kinda prissy ppl
or might have gotten hell
same at the facial, lucky i wasnt some prissy bitch
[i still am sometimes, but rarely :]
or i wld have yelled in her face when she was
operating on my face
* sld be doing econs now
bleah, weekend was real niceeeee(:
hmm, speakin of which i need a diary=/
a new one, i finished the last one
i want to save my memories, and savour them when im older(:

WCD
SAM

ps: love is when any sort of weather
is good weather(:
the sun to come out and play
the rain to stay hme and cuddle
& the snow to skate

still lovin' you all the same (:

pps : FUN TOUCH !
ppps: YZ GET WELL SOON AITES<333

mm.

2009-08-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

half my body is aching like mad
im not paralyzed like the other ruggers
wakakas, but im still bloody aching
and i could do with a nice loooooong massage
maaan.
*
evidently, ive been pretty stressed out
like really tensed
and i hate it=/
the only time i relax, honestly relax
is when im snuggled up in bed
reading harry potter.
it may sound pathetic that my idea of a haven
is the wizarding world
but what the heck, it still is. lol
*
well, ive been pretty much fine
havent seen much of anybody to be honest..
at first i tot i wasnt seeing much of hubby
which is quite an understatement considering
we've gone home tgt on mondays, and to sch, bout 3 or 4 times in the past
two weeks.
see yz on some morns, but its usually always brief
see grace and mz and van, but not much too, cuz of differing subs,
and i don always stay for night study
and even when i do, we're all doin our own stuff.
even rug ppl, havent been goin hme with mc and sh for a couple of trainings
cuz of fun touch=/ seen enough of cheryl tho.
wakakakas, lucky she doesnt know my blog
i dont see my fam very much either. in fact, i usually only see them when the skies are
dark.
early in the morn and after sunset. which is quite sad=/
but considering how we always bicker, i don really mind. lol
*
so yes, i might just be shrinking into my own world,
because its safest when its just harry potty and me.
like how hurtful/harmful could a book possibly be right ?
*
you know sometimes i get those 'worthless' moments occasionally,
like why the hell am i studying, i should be in africa saving kids
i mean, thats where i'd much rather be, and doing something impactful
rather than living in such a small world, and vying over trival matters like
coach's attention. hm, well which i dont actually do, i just say it cuz its sound
trival enough to put my point across.heh
*
did diving on thurs, have bruises =/
*
you know how people become detached ?
cuz im an expert on it , having tons of experience myself.
be it detachment among family, friends, lovers, you name it.
its quite simple you know, out of sight out of mind.
& its not all too difficult to slip into that because of the
sheer convenience of it all. you get it ?
especially when what you want most is freedom.
cuz then , you just start finding fault in everything
and render the other person powerless.
[stream of consciousness aka not very aware of what im saying, wakakas]
you know when guys say 'its not you, its me'
well, it bloody is, why do guys even say that?

ANGEL4
sammiee
ROCKSTARwanname
SAM
WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : 41 mre days to promos
pps : love is usually either the simplest sweetest feeling on earth,
or the most complex web you ever got yourself entrapped in.

ppps : rings <333

camp

2009-08-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

omg, i would so love to camp at the school
not cuz i like the premises,
hardly, considering how spooky it is at night
but aywys , yea , oh man
i REALLY need more time
omg omg
and im alr study almost everybloody minute i have
ive considered being a loner and just studying every
possible break i have
but that would be going against my morals
& ohwell, i know very well that what i actually is
consultation
which is almost impossible to get
ARRGH.
im still stuck in the netherworld created by MOE called
PW-HELL
& they wonder why our suicidal rates are high
ming zhi gu wen
&& i have lit poem, which i really want to take the time
to do with q and do it properly
URRRGH.
i NEED MORE TIME
MOREE TIME
I WANT TO STUDY MATHS
I WANT TO STUDY ECONS
I NEEEED MORE TIME
omg, i can feel the stress mounting

WCD
SAM

PS : i love you ~
& i'll always be here for you

dragged

2009-08-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

omg,
im starting my stress syndrome again
i feel like i havent done anything at all
omg, i can feel panic

wcd
sam

ps : xoxo

pps: when we get older
it'd be something totally different
& we sld both have faith
in the future
we both planned to have.

everyday

2009-08-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

hmm, was more reasonably cheered up on my way home(:
felt better after phone with mariah
thanks woman:DDD wakakakas, she still says the most scandalous stuff la
<333
you know what ?
i cried, i sobbed, i nearly fainted in the bloody cubicle
but i survived
the night before i had bloody fever
it was so cold
when the bus drove past, my bones literally rattled
and when i bathed
every drop of water felt like needles pricking my skin
and i was shivering like hell
but i survived
my parents got divorced
my mum got an unconventional boyfriend
my bro nearly lost his eyesight
hm, i survived
and sometimes i wonder,am i lucky
or unlucky ?
to not have to feel the pain, but to witness it
it feels kinda numbing after some time, dont it ?
and yet sometimes, i still just dissolved in tears.
while i was crying in the toilet , i kinda tot of hermoine
she does it all the times in the books, so i figured i sld try too
wakakas, well, it dint turn out to very magical at all=/
was bloody stuffy, and i was perspiring like a pig
but there was tissue nearby(: and i cld blow my nose as loud as i wanted
nobody cld tell me nothing :D
in all the ups and downs,
you pick what you want to see
what you want to feel
if you choose to fill your brain with images full of scorn and squabbles
then thats what you'll see.
i may cry alot
complain alot
scowl alot for that matter.
but thats just being me as well,
but me being me too,
i always think of the positive stuff in the end
and for as long as i remembered
all it ever took to pacify me was words
i never asked for anything more.
whether our story ends or not,
im goin to get those rings(:
just so that if our story ends,
im starting the same paragraph for the next chapter
otherwise, its just something i think you've already forgotten about
so i may as well go and do it
and surprise you one day.

wcd
sam

ps : stupidity is a syndrome of love,
so if you haven't got it,
then i guess,
you aren't very much in love.
& too bad for you
cux you're missing out the world's best feeling(:
pps: theres no need to be upset when you've already gave your best
because then, what can you do ?

uurgh, throbbing headache

2009-08-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

oh man i can feel zits from hell comin again. bleah.
*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE :DDD heh, watched the parade on tv
it was awesome :DD. liked all the singing and stuff. den dere was spore idol
hm, well, i have a jealousy streak, so you know the rest
*
on the 7th was ANNIVERSARY :DD
heheh, well, it was 'blast' wakakas
hmm, but somehow i felt that there wasnt any other better way to spend it(:
went ring shopping, to no avail
the girl at couple lab was bloody rude
i have no idea how hubby can remain oblivious to these ppl
yeaa(: so after that we celebrated our anniversary for bout an hr tgt
which we spent eating canteen food, and ring shopping and squabbling
[wakakaks, awww, but i really think it was nicely spent time tgt (: ]
before goin back to our schedules =/
ct invest was horrid, lol. well, cant be bothered so shant say much
[i ammm a mouuntain ~ i am a talll tree~~, eh yz ? wakakas]
theeeen met hubbs for awhile in the morn the next day<3333
before class outing [photos on cx's blog, im still feelin to lazy to kop at the moment, heh]
yeapp, which was a blast :D
and i thought i got caught by mum for being out way later than i sld be,
BUT FORTUNATELY it turned out to be a
misunderstanding on my part, AND I WAS SAVED BY MY BRO. ohman
went out till midnight, do you have ANY IDEA when was the last time i was out thaat late and i wasnt with fam ?
PRECISELY, idk when either. wakakkas
so anyways, had fun at seoul garden, altho i'd admit my soul
wasnt feeling very much at ease, i was unfortuantely too worried bout my curfew
ohwell
but i still did have fun during the dinner(: there was fartman, wakaks, which made things alot better
hmmm, altho, i'd say the moment i saw cx and then the moment i saw hubbs, i felt all better:DDD
yep, den went along the river to walk
the skyline was beautiful, and since ive walked with the dwarfs before
i've always wanted to walk with hubbs, which we did, awww, it was so nice:D
and i guess he's right, sponteneous plannin does work out sometimes(:
took lotsa photos, which once again , are all at cx's blog.huahuas(:
and steph hasnt loaded her share up, so still waiting
but i must say, i do look gorgeous, wakakakkaks:DD
well, i alwys do . huahuas
yep, seeing the class again, felt real nice(:
like a part of me came back
but not all were there so, yeawell, it was nice, but not like the class bbq(:
yep, then took the train home, which was pretty hilarious.heheh
when jingkai caused a woman's flip flops to slip off her foot, we just
erupted.wakakas, and the guys were so silly takin the photos
and us girls had our fair share too:D
mmhmm, den went home, tgt with hubbs, gave him the envelop
heeee, once agin, everything was handmade, i don usually buy the right
stuff, so i prefer to make em. hehhh, and hubbs prolly has a box full of my stuff by now.
then he went round the neighbourhood to emo abit,
as always i had to leave him all too soon
but you know whaat ?
for our first anniversary, i really do think it was awesome enough already :DD
heh, altho there werent any rings, and stuff, we got to walk along the skyline
see our friends, and had lotsa fun. :D
hmm, and i pretty much realized along the way, thats what my mum been
trying to tell me all along bout birthdays and chrismases. but i stubbornly disagree
and want things my way.
and yet, hubby can teach me things like this just lyk dat,
the hard way of cuz, considering we fought bout it and i made a fuss before,
but yea, now i understand(:
ooh, i love you so<3333
XOXOXO,

lucky for me, i got the imperfect boyfriend
who was the perfect boy for me<333

WILDchildDREAMERstilldeeplyinlove
SAMantha

ps: and if not for cx , i would still be a very troubled child, thank you all so much for the stuff you said to me<333 STILL LOVIN' YA :DDD

pps: oneyearandcounting(:

huas

2009-08-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

FIFTEEN MORE MINUTES TO ANNIVERSARY. AHHHHHHHHHHH
:D:D:D:D;D;D;

WCD
SAM

ps: ohman, i just love you so, XOXO

yz

2009-08-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

just talked to yz
obviously wat she said made sense
or i wouldnt be here.lol
and yeawell,what she said is right
i should be mre patient too.

wcd
sam

ps: ty yz :D
pps: i just want to sleep right now and wake up to a brand new day.
i still get overemo when i pms

2mredays

2009-08-05T04:51:00.000-07:00

crying is my coping mechanism
screaming stops me from losing my sanity
a combination of both is a representation of my
anguish
.
eating spicy chicken wings from kfc now
found em in the fridge
couldnt be bother to heat em up
so im just munching on em now(:
dint have the appetite for a proper dinner
.
woke up at the crack of dawn
and started dialing
for bout half an hr, then decided to go down to wake
the small boy up
woke up an hr earlier than i needed to
reached sch half an hr early
he's mum was so nice :D
.
im too tired to fight
too exhausted to solve anymre problems
i just want our ~~old~~life to carry on as it did before
i just need time
to get over the residue hurt
from the lastimes
which dont just flow away with the tears
unfortunately
i need time to build back my faith in you,
so maybe thats why i become expectant
cuz i thought you knew i'd need help to find it.
.
this is a relationship that had its mountain highs
and valley lows
and i accept them, but now it feels like im climbing out of the valley
on my own,
we climbed the mountain highs together,
but somewhere along the way i slipped
& u werent there to catch me.
even then, in the end, i dint get angry
so right now.
all i want
is to climb out to the flat plains
and start over again
.
will you be there waiting for me ?
.
been studying pretty hard(:
im so back with a vengeance
if i were to be truthful, i'd call it ego
but it works as positive motivation, so
who gives(:
.
tired. want. to. sleep
having. online.ell.discussion
.
met up with dwarfs ytd :DD
it was so awfully nice to see em again
maaan, i really do miss em =/
hai.
.
2moredaystoanniversary..C: ..

wcd
sam

ps : i love you so much, xoxo
pps: hmm, just how do you measure love ? or is it a definite condition,
you either love someone or you dont.
if so, we have different ways of showing love<333

BACK

2009-08-02T03:23:00.000-07:00

just went to buy dinner with hubbs
huahuas, just realized how unglam-ed i look
heh, ohwells
DWARFS ! MONDAY YOUUU CAN ???
:D
my right hand's aching like hell,
from the typing and four pkts of chix [thats how my mum shortcut's chicken in msgs.wakakas]
rice
ohmaaaan. STUDY STUDY STUDY !
MUST GET LEAST THREE As KAY
<333

WILDchildDREAMER
SAMantha

ps : a first for everthing
a first for our anniversary(:

pps: i know you havent made plans
hoho.

5 MRE DAYS YA'ALL .heeeeee ~

PRESSED FOR TIME

2009-08-01T20:15:00.001-07:00

next week gonna be a busy busy week for me:D
ohman, DID CHOO KNOWWW emma watson scored straight As for her a lvls
[yep, i finally succumbed to buying HOTmagazine, 17's borrrring now]
YARR
and she does this while she's filming
and having a boyfriend
WALAOOO.
ohkay, nvm. MY INSPIRATION:DDD
wakakas, havent had one in ages
but aywy, im pretty proud of myself today(:
woke up early to do math, now taking a break
ltr starting on econs den doing gp
WHOO
.
q's mia ah, ohwells,
i used the energy i spend on missing on preparing for next week:DD
HUAHUAS, mind you, missing you takes up brainpower
,
waiting for cx to be back so can ask her if we can meet up on mon
:DDD
.
im having zits from hell):
i pray to god they go away by next week, ohman
PLS GOOOOO AWAY !
.

WCD
SAM

ps: lovestones

JuZ aNOtHa tEeN gEr

spring awakening

when life is not a canvas you can paint on

wefoundloveinahopelessplace

christmas eve

vignettes from the train

j&d

yesyes im bck

kcuf

lonely

Finals

holidaysagain

anonymous

old blog description of myself

burgeoning void

muggin

in my dingy room

tsk

school

lost my ic

contemplatin friendship

monetize

fallinginlove

detachment

backfromcamp!

self discoveries

cravings

adult supper

** blingbling **

still no reply

9 tailed fox

passwords&crossroads

pieces

buses and taxis

temptation

'i'm juuuuudging you !'

why not twitter

6months ltr

gaga-girls

BILL MAHER

sex&thecity2

oh dear

small world

ugly scars

ambiguity

monday

ILOVEKUNGFUUUUU !

WALAO

sad.

wanted to

hope.

no drama

the most wonderful things

still

eve of eve

sometimes

aloneathome

CHRISTMAS LIST

DAY 1

midnight

shock

schooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

depth

TODAY

first & last

10days

yuleball

700th post

.

ltc

cramp day

what i thought

hm.

econolit

chocolates

huihui

carpe diem

omg.

mmm

robots

blingbling